Are you in Perimenopause?

I originally wrote this in 2010, but it's worth sharing now as more midlife women enter this life phase. 

Women between 35 & 51 (typically) may be considered to be in a "peri-menopausal" phase hormonally.   Just as puberty brings an onset of change that a young person goes through over three to five years, peri-menopause brings on changes too-- a reverse puberty if you will--that can last anywhere from ten to fifteen years.

The symptoms of perimenopause may include night sweats and/or daytime hot flashes, crashing fatigue, irritability, mood swings, crying spells, depression, weight gain, headaches, brain fog and trouble with memory or concentration.  The symptoms may come and go. 

It's evident that enduring these symptoms over years can be incredibly frustrating and can significantly impact the quality of life for any midlife woman. If you're experiencing the symptoms of perimenopause, know that you're not alone. As a woman in this life phase, it's crucial to prioritize self-care and protect your well-being

"I don't have a cure or remedy for peri-menopause, but it's important to note that if you're feeling off lately - experiencing emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical challenges - it might be related to your hormones. It may not have anything to do with your husband, job, kids, or church."

Remember to ask the Lord to open your eyes and show you what is happening inside you that needs your attention. Share your concerns with Him and inquire if you should take any new steps to take better care of yourself. Additionally, talk to your partner or family members about your struggles so that they can understand what may be affecting your mood.

Partner with other trusted women for advice. And take a day at a time as you navigate this journey most of us take. Feel free to ask for help. 

When Tears Don't Come

When Tears Don't Come

During midlife, I cried easily. I cried when I woke up depressed, sad, or worried. I cried as needed at other times, especially when bored or lonely. And crying often helped me feel better. Crying can trigger the release of endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. This hormonal response can lead to an improved mood and a sense of emotional well-being after crying. 

Do you cry? Do you feel better after you do?

No Crying in Menopause

I'm beyond midlife and perimenopause now. I'm fully in menopause. I haven't been able to cry for a few years. I remember a woman at church telling me that she was also unable to cry, but I didn't really understand her until now. 

When I feel like I need to cry these days, I simply say to my husband, "I feel like crying." But no tears will come.

Apparently, some individuals find that, as they age, they develop increased emotional regulation (the ability to handle their feelings better) and resilience resulting in a reduced tendency to cry or express emotions outwardly, even when feeling like crying. That might be true for me, but a cry now and then would be okay too. I miss those cleansing tears that help me connect with myself.

Change is Constant

When it comes down to this new revelation on crying, it seems simply that change is part of a woman's life from the time she's born until she passes. Changes are something we navigate on the fly. We are all living life for the first time. And each phase requires we stay kind to ourselves acknowledging that changes in emotional expression are a natural part of life.

As always, there is a time and season for everything. Change is constant though sometimes so slow we don't see it happening. But kindness to ourselves is always something we can keep focused on with the strength of God's loving guidance.

Why Do I Have a Longing for More?

Artwork by Rosalie Garde

THE DEEP LONGING FOR MORE

In a recent post, I mentioned women have a deep longing for more and better. What is this deep longing about?  

I'd like to suggest the longing is really a desire for Jesus and heaven. It's a desire for perfect peace and happiness which isn't sustainable on earth.  That being said, the longing for more is a feeling wired into us from creation. It can be both good and bad. It depends on what our longing is for. 

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal" Matt 6:19 (NIV).

Longing for more things, can be a problem. The verse above tells us not to store up things. But longing for more can be good in that God has work for us to do. He has people for us to see, places for us to go, missions for us to carry out. It's good to not just sit and stay where we are. 

HOW TO FILL THE VOID

Filling the void--the longing for more--begins with acknowledging that you are on this earth for a higher purpose than serving yourself. It's not about you. You are simply an ambassador for God.   

If God has a perfect plan for your life, doesn't it make sense to look for it? 

I don't want to encourage you to spin your wheels stuck in discontentment while you search for new meaning you are sure is evading you. I don't want you to get caught up in trying to force something to happen just for the sake of experiencing a thrilling feeling. I don't want you stuck in a pattern of constant striving followed by disappointment. 

Life is more than charismatic spiritual highs, and trips to sunny climates. When life is in a lull, it doesn't mean something is missing. These lulls are simply part of life.

Ask God for the right balance

God won't make your life perfect and exciting all the time, but he will guide you into his plan if you ask him to lead you daily. Will you be content to live a day at a time?

When God is leading you, chances are, your life won't look like much of anything new is happening. That's how God works for most of us. We plod along until the next unusual moment occurs. 

Our part is to ask God to take authority over our time, choices, energy, and relationships and then to settle into that prayer. To trust he is at work. To trust we are right where he wants us. 

Ask God to lead you into whatever it is he wants you to do in a day. That could mean asking him where to go online, what boundaries to set, where to take a walk, what chores to do, who to text, phone or interact with. 

God rarely shows us the big long-term picture. Even if he does, that big picture is worked out in small steps. Patience is required. Will you trust God to reveal what simple steps to need to take? 

I often pray:

"Lead me where you need me. Open my eyes to see what you need me to see. Open my ears to hear what you want me to hear. Grant me direction. I will listen for your nudges all day long." 

Midlife Crisis Challenges

 

In my eBook tailored for Christian Midlife Women, which is accessible on Amazon, I propose an alternative perspective to addressing midlife dilemmas. Rather than seeking to solve them outright, I encourage the idea of walking through them.

We don't disregard our feelings and say they don't matter. No, we acknowledge them. But we are mindful that this time of questioning and chaos is often a life phase affected by so many variables. Navigating a midlife crisis is not akin to a game of darts where you pinpoint the issue and eliminate it with a well-aimed throw.

Consider the situation where a woman blames her husband for her unhappiness and opts for divorce. It's like assigning blame for a puzzle's complexity to a single piece and discarding it, only to realize that the puzzle's intricacy remains unresolved.

While some women may believe that divorce is the key to their happiness, for instance, that idea is akin to trading a temporary sense of relief for a long-term cost. It's like exchanging a valuable possession for a fleeting satisfaction, only to discover that the true price includes not just emotional but financial impoverishment.

Yes, life is complex. It's not wise to blame your midlife crisis on only one cause.

I share this perspective because many women find themselves on a quest to discover a quick fix for their emotional turmoil.

A midlife woman might say, "If I can just find the right job..." or "If we lived in a bigger house..." or "If I had a different husband..." or "If I were only younger and slimmer..."

Women may attempt to alter their circumstances, making significant decisions that could potentially lead to regret later on.

Through my experiences, I've come to realize that the key may not necessarily lie in changing external circumstances but in transforming how we perceive and feel about them while also taking steps forward that are good for our well-being.

It's crucial to recognize that where we find ourselves when feeling in crisis is often a result of our choices. They might have been very good choices we felt led by God to make. They may be choices based on a sense of calling we had years prior. But in midlife, we begin to second-guess them. And it's easy to question God or even blame him for what feels like a suddenly depressing life.

If I could throw out a proverbial life vest to a woman who feels this way, it would be in the form of a suggestion. I would suggest she become curious about her thoughts and consider their roots, but before dissecting them, to reaffirm her trust that the same God who said he'd lead her has led her and is still leading her now.

For myself, God had led me to a couple of cross-country moves with my husband. We're both introverts and he travelled a lot so it was difficult for me to not feel lonely. I understand it better now that I've done research on my own personality style. At the time, though, my default was to have a depressing pity party.

Those moves we took we felt were led by God. Now, with new emotions rising to the top and experiencing perimenopause, God was leading me to take new steps.

God led me to do Internet research on the topic of Midlife Crisis. He led me to start writing the book pictured above. He led me to talk to my doctor about my depression. He led me to reach out to mental health therapists and life coaches. 

I didn't like the process much. I was scared of those depressed feelings. But they demanded I walk through them a step at a time. 

Today, as you're walking through midlife, can you pinpoint the feelings you're having? Why not list them. Read my book, talk to a professional or friend, and decide what challenges you're being called to walk through now. What might be your next step?

Positives of the Empty Nest

In this blog post, I cited many issues women in midlife deal with especially in the empty nest phase. In this post, I'd like to list some of the positives of this phase when a woman's mothering years change to more of a peer relationship with her adult children: 

Newfound Freedom: With children becoming more independent, women have the opportunity to explore new interests and hobbies, or even embark on personal adventures they may have put on hold.

Professional Reinvention: Career stagnation can be seen as an opportunity for reinvention. Midlife can be the perfect time to pursue new skills, take on different responsibilities, or even consider a career change.

Deeper Connections: Relationship changes may lead to deeper connections with partners, friends, and family. Open communication and shared experiences can strengthen bonds.

Embracing Self-Acceptance: Instead of focusing solely on physical changes, midlife offers a chance for self-acceptance and embracing the wisdom and experiences that come with age.

Clarity in Life Goals: The reevaluation of life goals can lead to a clearer sense of purpose and alignment with personal values. This can bring a sense of fulfillment and direction.

Personal Growth: The transition from caregiving roles allows women the opportunity for personal growth. Exploring new passions, learning, and self-development become possible.

Prioritizing Health and Well-being: Facing health concerns can be a catalyst for prioritizing well-being. Women may adopt healthier lifestyles, including better nutrition and regular exercise.

Rest: Embracing quiet moments and newfound freedom can allow them to indulge in restorative activities, nurturing their well-being and creating a space for personal rejuvenation.

Building New Social Circles: Social isolation can be an opportunity to build new social circles, fostering connections with like-minded individuals who share common interests.

Creating Fresh Challenges: Actively seeking out and creating new challenges can add excitement and purpose to life. This could involve pursuing hobbies, volunteering, or taking on new projects.

Spiritual Exploration: Instead of existential restlessness, midlife can be a time for spiritual exploration and finding deeper meaning. Practices like meditation or joining spiritual communities can provide solace.

Defying Societal Expectations: Breaking free from societal pressures allows women to embrace their authentic selves and redefine success on their terms, promoting a sense of contentment and self-worth.

Remember, each woman's experience is unique, and these positives can be tailored to fit individual circumstances.

Deut 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Tap into New Vision as You Navigate the Empty Nest and Midlife

In midlife, women face new challenges.  Often life as they've known it changes.  Children head off to university, college, move out, or marry. Home dynamics change, often for a time, as some adult children return home to live again. 

The husband and wife relationship may feel different during these changes.  A midlife woman may feel both a sense of relief that she's finished one phase of life, while at the same time experience periods of grief or melancholy knowing the kids are grown up. Relating to adult children becomes a new game a mom may find challenging.

Change is sometimes uncomfortable, but necessary.

Change in the Nest-Emptying Years 

While some husbands want to wind down in midlife and the nest-emptying years, a midlife woman is known for wanting to reboot her life. She might contemplate going back to school, changing jobs, or re-entering the workforce since the children are no longer encroaching on her life. 

But it isn't as easy moving on in the nest-emptying phase as a good 'theory' may suggest. A woman is older. She may have a huge paid-work gap in her resume. Ageism abounds in the workplace, and an older midlife woman will be overlooked in favor of younger women most of the time. A woman's body may be challenged. Perhaps she tires easily. Or, a job standing on her feet all day is too physically demanding now.

While many midlife women go on a search for that 'new thing' that excites them or to pour themselves into, the search can be met with frustration. That doesn't mean searching is wrong. Just do your search with proper expectations. 

 

A Frustration Story 

When we were about to be job transferred for the third time in 20 years, I looked online for glimpses of what I might discover in the new location. I was, by then a paid content writer and certified life coach, but I'd also had a dream of one day working in a community centre where I could use my life coaching skills. When I saw a Christian-based community centre near my new home, I got excited. 

When God gives glimmers, I pursue them. So I applied to volunteer at the centre between my writing work and driving my teen son to school and his work. 

My motivations for applying to be a volunteer were many. I wanted to be out of the house where I could meet new people and feel part of the community. I wanted to start my next adventure to fulfill a long-term longing for feeling like a valuable contributor to society. I hoped it would one day work into a paid job.

But I quickly learned the vision I had of using my life coaching skills with community centre clients would not come true. 

I was put in a little office by myself to do computer work. There would be no interaction with clients. And, in but a short time, I was told I could do the work from home--exactly what I didn't want to do. And then the centre closed permanently. 

It's not the first frustration or death-of-a-dream I have suffered as a midlife woman looking for meaningful connections and something to sink my teeth into. I could share umpteen similar experiences. 

Does this sound familiar to you?

If you have met with dream busters or a lack of focus in knowing where to put yourself next in midlife, I offer you these tips. 

1. Know that many women feel as you do.
2. Changes can make you feel uncomfortable, you aren't manufacturing those feelings.
3. It's okay to not have the answer.
4. It's okay to seek professional help.
5. Searching for answers can be a healthy activity as long as you don't dwell on the disappointments you'll encounter.
6. God is still right there with you.
7. God still has a plan for you.
8. God will help you make the best use of your time and energy if you invite him into each day.
9. Choosing to trust God and live content is the best choice over striving and discontented living.
10. You are beautiful, talented, and lovable and will find joy once you practice looking for it.
11. Stay resilient. Get back up after something fails (and it will). 

How do you navigate these mixed midlife crisis feelings?

First, to deal with mixed midlife crisis feelings, it is paramount you recognize the enemy (Satan) will attack you at your point of vulnerability or weakness. And he'll do it often.  He will try to undermine your marriage, relationships, and your mindset. The enemy will speak discouraging thoughts to you more than you will ever be fully aware of.  

It is very important during this midlife phase to put on spiritual armor.  Employ tactics that will keep you spiritually strong that includes praying, reading scripture, and devouring devotionals or other books by Christian writers.  

Stay aware of negative voices when they pop into your head, and use cognitive behaviour techniques to switch them off.  


Lies of the Enemy

The enemy is very convincing.  He'll get you to say things like, "I feel like a nobody, I feel unappreciated, maybe I should leave my husband..." that type of thing.  But just because the complaints include "I" doesn't mean they're true.  

How you think will affect how you feel and will affect the next things you do.  Be vigilant about not listening to negative voices.  Stop them immediately!

Practical Steps

Here are a few more practical steps you can take in navigating your way through your midlife journey.

• Express your feelings in a journal.  
• Write your worries into prayers and commit them to God.
• Tell a friend how you're feeling.
• Hire a life coach or sign on for counseling.
• Focus on what is going well.

 Use Your Right Brain

Now, here is something I'd like you to try next.  This exercise will tap into your creative right brain.  It will give you a shift in thinking which, hopefully, will help you work through some troubling feelings.

(Some people are more right-brained than others.  Nevertheless, it can help every person to tap into their right brain.  Think about how we all love music.  Music taps into the right brain.  So does art, beauty, and physical movement.)

It might be said the right brain fuels the left brain--the thinking side.  YES!  We do want to fuel that thinking side.  

RIGHT BRAIN EXERCISE

Make a Positive-Thinking Vision Board 

• Gather magazines, scissors, a glue stick and poster paper or card stock.
• As you flip through your positive-thinking books, scriptures, or devotionals, write helpful quotes from them onto your poster.
• (If you have Joyce Meyer magazines, you'll find great quotes in there to cut out.)   
• Use colourful markers for your writing, or cut words out of magazines.
• Decorate the paper around your quotes.
• Add magazine pictures that make you feel alive, hopeful, and cheerful. 
• Tap into romance and beauty by choosing pictures that evoke those ideas--flowers, hearts, sparkly items, and so on. 

Cut, glue, write, and decorate your 
vision board.  
View it.  
Share it with someone.  
Hang it where you can see it often. 

 

A few vision boards I created this past spring.
These are not the ones with the Joyce Meyer
quotes or Bible Verses.

If you do this exercise, I'd love to hear how it went. Did you pray first? Did you hear from God as you looked for quotes or photos? Did adding colour or decorations help you feel more alive? 

For $33 Cdn you will receive an email coaching session where you can share your experience and I will reply.  Tell me where you are in your life journey and what you have put on your vision board.  You can even send me a photo.  Talking about it will help reinforce it and perhaps spark new ideas.  Contact me at this email address to initiate this process. You will pay by paypal or e-transfer (to a different email address) prior to 3 email replies.

  

Triggered by Your Adult Children's Decisions?

 

(Repost from 2019) (53)

Midlife, nest-emptying time, having adult children living at home or returning to the nest--are all situations parents walk through. It's part of the letting go process.

Over the past few years and going forward, I've been learning about letting go, living in the moment, training my thoughts, and rebuilding life. But it hasn't all been peaceful. At times, I've faced situations and felt great stress. And I've had to figure out how to deal with the challenges. 

When things come to a head, we sometimes need support. It's okay to ask for a friend's input. It's also okay to sign on for life coaching or mental health therapy. 


WATCH FOR TRIGGERS

My therapist helped me walk through past situations--things I'd stuffed down and not shared with another person. They were triggered as I saw my daughter making her own decisions. 

(Many of us women had turbulent times whether in teen years, early 20s, or onward. We had relationship issues, made choices we regret, and so on. The negative effects of those issues can affect us when our own children reach a similar stage.) 

As we see our children making life-altering decisions, we want them to not make the mistakes we have. We want our former pain and difficulty to have a purpose. Often, we think that the purpose of our past trauma is to help us warn our kids. But chances are, our adult kids don't want to hear our warnings. They'll take steps we don't agree with anyhow.

When I became stressed and anxiety-laden (accompanied by horrific tinnitus and panic attacks), I connected it to some issues I needed to deal with MYSELF. They had to do with my own past. They were affecting my perception of the present and the resultant stress was affecting my health. 

So I dealt with them one by one with weekly appointments with a therapist. 

The therapist gave me tools and permission to let my adult children go. My health and personal peace was important to preserve. 

The Bible tells us to forget the former things so that God can do a new thing. Once we've dealt with former things, we can dismiss the remembrance of them as soon as they try to take place in our present again. 

I've been dismissing thoughts left and right. I've been claiming each day as new. I've been tossing out the temptation to become frustrated by what my adult children do. It's their turn to make their own decisions and mistakes.

• Do these tips help you? 
• Is there stuff in your past you need to deal with? If so, how will you go about it? 
• Can you imagine how freeing it will be to let your children make their own decisions? 

Are You Feeling Cast Down and Stuck in a Midlife Crisis?

 

Are you feeling stuck as though you're in a midlife crisis?  Are you wondering if there is more to life?  Are you suddenly overtaken by fear of a less-than-wonderful future?

Midlife crisis feelings can mount up on a woman from seemingly nowhere and for many reasons. Women are usually deep thinkers and feelers. They deal with hormonal shifts that affect their moods. They are nurturers but also crave independence and stature. Perimenopause's hormonal shifts is one very huge cause of such feelings. 

Feelings of being stuck hit me often throughout my time raising children and being a wife. I didn't know where to assign blame or who to reach out to for help. At times like this, we want pain relief. We want to fix ourselves. We don't feel like we are enough. We search for answers. 

Looking back now, I know it would have been better to learn mindfulness tips and to adopt contentment. But we are human. Human issues plague us.

I was a child of God. I prayed all the time. I participated in church meetings and bible studies. But there were moments when I felt deflated and empty. I longed for a sense of happiness and vitality that seemed elusive. In my pursuit of fulfillment, I found myself channeling excessive energy into managing my children, perhaps becoming overly involved. It became clear that I needed a more invigorating outlet to pour myself into.

Depression?

Was it depression? Was I feeling as I was because we'd moved too much and I failed to rebuild my network? Was it because I'd chosen to be an at-home mom leaving the paid workforce and I was stagnating? Was it because every part-time job I applied to failed?Is it because I craved significant church ministry and every attempt soured? Was I simply lonely? Was it my hormones? I suspect it was a combination of all the above. 

If you're fighting these kinds of feelings, I would like to share a few realizations I hope will help you:

One is that all humans suffer from what you might call a restless heart. It is that spot that needs God's peace, guidance, and comfort. We are human so are vulnerable to all that is in the fallen world. We are vulnerable to depression, mental illness, attacks of Satan, hurts from other humans, disappointments in life, injuries, illnesses, you name it. To deny such is to be a Pollyanna (Pollyanna refers to an excessively unrealistic optimistic person, sometimes to the point of being naive or oblivious to negative aspects of a situation.)

As humans, we tend to default to negativism. Thoughts and regrets of our past resurface without invitation. Taking our thoughts captive needs to be a daily exercise. But it can be exhausting without adequate social supports.

Because of our vulnerability combined with the personality God gave us, we need him even more to help us find the best path for our life. 

But most of us who are believers have dedicated ourselves to him for his use. What we have trouble accepting is where we are--the life he has chosen for us. We fight it. We question our self-worth too much. And with good reason. The outside world makes a lot of noise. Other women look down on us or make comments about our choices. Social media causes us to feel jealous or like we don't measure up. 

Confidence in our choices is better. Trusting God's plan is better. Self-acceptance is key. 

Happiness is fleeting. Moodiness can overwhelm us at any time. We weren't made to be in a perpetual life of happiness, but to seek contentment. Peace and contentment within ourselves is a gift from God that can be found when we are in relationship with him.

And sometimes, we have setbacks. I remember a period in life in my 40s when I felt I had no vision. I was relationship-starved though married. I was affirmation-starved. I was given no gold stars, no headlines, no paycheck. I was simply thriving. 

I had no new dreams to propel me forward. I was tired of trying to make my dream of life coaching in a church setting lift off the ground. No church near me would embrace the concept, and since I was an introvert with few connections in high places, my heart's desire for a ministry of that nature would never see the light of day. I didn't understand why God would give me such desires and have the door slammed in my face so many times. (I won't go into detail.) 

Another example is when God decided to give my husband another job transfer--back closer to family. For a time, we were able to enjoy visits from my elderly mother and have extended family over for pool parties and dinners. I didn't have to work so hard for that sense of peace. And then, in 2020, mom passed, and many negative events occurred to destroy our relationships. BOOM! Just like that, I'm having to rebuild yet again. 

I will never understand why God leaves us in the world with great dreams and visions but lets us flounder. I have no clue why so many people in this world are deluded, mean, and ill-spirited. But that's how it seems to be. So if you're floundering, take heart. You aren't alone. 

Know this, God loves you and approves of you no matter what outside sources tell you. God is love, so cling to him. Love yourself! Pursue peace and love in all you do. And apply these tips going forward: 

1. Stop asking why. 

2. Train your mind to see the good in life and dismiss negative thinking.

3. Pray for God's spirit to give you joy and faith so that you won't always feel cast down.

4. Ask God if you should talk to your doctor about possible depression solutions, increase your vitamin D, hire a counsellor, or reach out to someone to talk to.

5. Put your expectations into check. Get rid of black-and-white thinking and live in the grey zone.

6. Realize that everything in life is for a time and season. Most seasons are short.

7. Pray for God to give you a spirit of contentment.  

Even in your darkest days when your mood goes low, when you experience grief, loss, anger, and so on, acknowledge your feelings. It's okay to feel sad now and then. But hang on to trust in God and to hope. 

Your calling in life isn't to do some great job with a big title, it is simply to be part of God's plans and purposes. It is to connect to God and to promote God and his work. It is to be a good steward of all God has blessed you with. 

So don't wander off looking for a new man, a different job, a separation, or divorce. Don't be hasty to tear down what you've already built. 

Keep doing the last thing God told you to do until he reveals something new to do. 

And be content with the mundane life you have because that's where most of us find ourselves daily. 

Journalling is Good for You

Keeping journals is important to me. In them, I write revelations. I record things happening in my life. I record prayer requests. I write excerpts from books I found helpful and jot down bible verses.

The real treasures in journal keeping include these points: 

1. It helps release thoughts.

2. It acknowledges the prayers of the heart.

3. Readings are reinforced through writing them out.

4. It gives a place to jot down dreams and heart's desires.

5. It is a form of communication with God.

6. Going back to re-read a journal shows you your life journey.

7. Going back to re-read your prayers allows you to see which ones were answered.

8. Important insights you collected, when re-read, help you in your today life.

9. Your journal becomes a neat (but sometimes messy) life roadmap. 

I like this style of journal I ordered through Amazon. They are 6" x 8" coil bound. 

(I have a Facebook friend who uses an online app for her journalling. She prefers to type out her thoughts and it is encrypted. If that suits you better, do that.)

 

Life Beyond Children As they Grow

Are you at a point in your life where it is obvious your children need you less?  Do you sense a void?

I recall that feeling when my children were about 10 and 12 years old. I had been a fulltime at-home mom most of their life so the feeling to move onto something new was glaring. Yet, I was stuck not knowing which way to turn. I was still needed by them--to keep them on schedule, to feed them, to shop for them, to drive them where they needed to go--but I was desperate to get out and do something for myself. It's a common feeling. And it isn't one easily solved. 

Maybe you're now approaching the empty nest. Are you a little fearful of life in the empty nest? 

In my research, I've discovered it isn't just the stay-at-home mom that feels her very life being ripped from her side as her children grow and mature, it is all moms who've cared for their children, working moms and at-home moms alike. Though most won't admit it publicly, I'm sure most moms experience waves of chaotic feelings wash over them. And it's not wrong to have mixed emotions. Moms are nurturers. Having and raising children was a big deal. Putting her own interests aside for years to be there for the children was huge. 

The feelings and deciding what to do about them can be intense for some.

WHAT TO DO

It's easy to fear the future, but doing so doesn't help. And finding your next big adventure may not be easy--no matter how much you trust in God to show it to you.

You see, we have ideas in our minds for how life should unfold, but God often has different ideas. His answers, in my experience, are rarely instant. And they are rarely spelled out in full and long term. 

What is key is the right attitude. You can either have a pity party and doubt anything new is on the horizon, or you can trust you are right where God wants you and live out the duties right in front of you until something new crops up.  

The fruit of the spirit includes the makings of a good attitude and brings contentment. And contentment is gold. 

A ROADMAP

If you're looking for a roadmap as you attempt to move forward in your next life phase, you are welcome to use this list as a guide:

1. Face your feelings. Tap into what is troubling you. Grieve the changes, cry if you need to, journal your thoughts and questions. Get it all out.  Acknowledging your feelings is helpful. 

2. Don't get stuck there though.  If you find you're stuck there, seek the help of a therapist, life coach, other professional, or close friend.  

3. Remember that God is near to the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit. Give him your burdens and then decide you will move on in faith. 

4. Start each day fresh. Don't bring yesterday's worries into today. 

5. Work on your body by stretching, lifting weights, or going for walks. Get outside and enjoy nature. 

6. Try activities that may help boost your self-esteem. That may include more frequent showers, updates to your cosmetics cabinet, a new hair colour, a new article of clothing, and redecorating your space.

7. Consider that all the little jobs you do matter in the bigger scheme of life whether they are mundane and boring or not. Even if you're not paid to do housework, it is a job--an important one.  

8.  Consider getting a pet.  Having a dog to walk or cat to cuddle and care for can help you transfer your need to nurture. If you're not into pets, try growing seeds or houseplants. You'll be required to nurture them too.  

9. Work on eliminating clutter to prepare your home space as somewhere you want to be for your next life phase. Donating what is no longer needed and organizing your space can be therapeutic. 

10.  When new ideas come, capture them. Make a list.  Even if you don't pursue them now you might want to in the future, so jot them down.  

11. God is great at putting new ideas into a person's mind and heart. Ask him for new vision. Listen for his still small voice.

12.  Look for opportunities to meet new people.  Join a church group, a walking group, or a gym group that works out together. Others need you just as much as you need them. They might also help link you to a new job or hobby.  

13.  Look into courses.  Upgrade rusty skills.  Learn things you need to know in this era of technology. 

14.  Try a new hobby or restart an old one.  What is it time to return to?

15.  Apply for jobs.  You'll never know if one's a good fit until you try.  

16.  Make the most of every opportunity. Talk to others when you are standing in line. Be open and friendly. 

No, the road beyond motherhood is not simple and easy, but God will instruct you and teach you where to go even if it is in what feels like baby steps. 

One of my pet cats over the years.