Were You/Are You a Stay-At-Home Mom? How is Your Midlife Journey Going?
Your journey as a Christian midlife woman can be enriching and challenging, filled with achievements, moments of reflection, personal growth, and spiritual renewal. Some midlife women reach a pinnacle of career success in midlife. They're doing what they love to do.
For others, midlife can be filled with new emotional and physical challenges, questions, and doubts. I know because I've been there. I've walked through it.
My Midlife Journey
In midlife, I was an at-home mom looking for the next thing to do for myself beyond the home. Because my husband travelled for work and we took job transfers moving across the country a few times, we agreed it made sense for me to stay home to be the main caregiver of the children and maintainer of the household. It just made things a lot easier for us, myself included. And, it was where my heart was. I believe that's the choice God led me to.
By midlife, the children were reaching important milestones and, as a mother, I was happy to do my best to support them. However, I couldn't help but feel my world had become too small. I yearned for something new, but I was unsure what that might be.
I wasn't prepared to launch into a full-time job outside the home. I looked at part-time opportunities instead besides the office cleaning I did at my husband's business office and the newspaper delivery route I took over for my son who failed to do the work. I took those jobs to stay busy and earn a bit of money, but I felt pitiful doing them. I felt like a martyr. I cried often wondering if that was all God had for me.
Looking into new opportunities was an exercise in frustration. I looked at courses to take. I looked at various jobs advertised. I ended up confused and lost.
The journey was very different from looking for work as a twenty-something-year-old. I encountered ageism or whatever you might call it. By then, I was in my mid-forties. During one interview, the interviewer made a sarcastic remark about my work experience saying "But that was ten years ago!"
The Calling and Cost of Being an At-Home Mom
Yes, at-home moms who choose the role as I did, do end up in a bit of a quagmire later on. They want to be seen, heard, and paid for their intellect just as anyone does.
I had a friend who became an at-home mother for a few years before heading back to the workforce. She said her return to work was based on a desire for mental stimulation. I get it. I don't blame her. She had credentials for more and bigger as a professional engineer.
I'd tasted and seen the benefits of being in the paid workforce before I had children. I missed the camaraderie, the pay, and the feeling that I'd spent my day well. Just before the birth of my first child, I'd promised myself to never quit working. So that promise became a stronghold that was hard to shake loose from for years--another cause of midlife restlessness. I felt I'd betrayed my promise to myself. But there were the children to consider. And they got out of school at 2:30. I didn't want them to be latch-key children left on their own.
But just as my friend expressed, I had a desire for greater mental stimulation too. That became the root of my restlessness for many years. I begged God for the right fit - a fulfilling part-time job that would allow me to be home in time for my children's care - because my family responsibilities would always come first. It's how I am wired.
Finally, at one point, I was hired for a job from 10 am to 2 pm as an Administrative Specialist. They offered me such low pay, it was a joke. On the surface, it seemed obvious I should take it though and perhaps work my way back into the workforce. And though there was a check in my spirit, I went ahead with it.
I won't get into it all here but enough to say I hated it and quit after 8 months. I guess I learned what I needed to learn, but it was mostly a negative experience. It was not fulfilling. And since my husband was at work all day and the children at school, neither would appreciate my efforts or see me dressed up in my work clothes.
2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”
The Bind an At-Home Mom Finds Herself In
The at-home midlife mom will never fully be valued by anyone else besides her children and God. And some moms will question whether they'd chosen well to remain an at-home mom for so many years.
Second-guessing can be part of midlife life inquiry, but for women of God, it's more valuable to trust that God led her to the right path he wanted her to take whether it be for a season or long-term.
God is Faithful
I will say that through all the years, fears, and doubts, God continued to take care of us and reward my husband with promotions and pay increases. It took time, but we prospered without a second big income from me. And, often, I have had to put to death my sorrow over not being paid what I feel I'm worth even later as a freelance writer.
I've resigned myself to these thoughts:
1. Trust God has put me where I'm meant to be.
2. Listen for nudges no matter how silly and follow them.
3. Doing God's work is in the little daily events, not always in jobs with titles and pay.
4. Trust God to lead me forward day by day.
5. Deal with midlife physical issues as they arise finding the right support.
6. Be alert to outside voices or the enemy's voice that brings discontentment, accusations, or feelings of boredom.
7. Don't compare my life to anyone else's.
8. Trust that God will say "Well done good and faithful servant" despite my career choice.
9. The world changes and it's not my fault.
10. Instead of spending precious time comparing myself to others or feeling lowly, focus on my mission in life - to write, to love, to serve, to encourage, and to uplift others.
Things to do when you don't know what to do:
When you drive past a school, pray for its safety, and its students...
When you drive past a person on the street, pray for them.
When you greet a clerk, smile and be friendly.
When you see an opportunity to donate or give, do it.
Go for lots of walks.
Get out in nature.
Read good books.
Go for a massage.
Go for counselling, and if that's not needed, spend time with someone who cares.
Write your prayers to God.
Take notes when you read encouraging messages.
Encourage others on social media.
Create art no matter how good or bad you are at it.
Take your turn as a volunteer or feel free to say no it's not for me.
