Midlife Crisis Tips for Moving Forward

Tossing and turning were yielding nothing. Sleep had evaded me once again, and troubled feelings were stirring. So I carefully reached for my fluffy robe and slid out of bed as quietly as I could. My husband slept soundly as I tiptoed out the door and down the stairs to the lower level office.

The brightness of the computer screen was blinding in the darkened room. Two-thirty was the time on the clock when I began my web search for answers for my chaotic feelings, and 4:30 was the time when I returned to bed and finally fell asleep.

For that two hours, I sat, in the quiet of the night, typing various combinations of words into the search bar. One phrase I typed into the search bar was one that I'd heard a lot about, but surely didn't think fit me, after all, I wasn't looking for a younger man or wanting to buy a sportscar (you know the old cliche?)

There I sat though, and typed the words:

"m-i-d-l-i-f-e   c-r-i-s-i-s".

This story is in my Amazon Kindle book 16 Essential Steps to Help You Walk Through Your Midlife Crisis: A Self-Coaching Tool for Midlife Christian Women 

WAS I HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS?


After reading a few of the descriptions for midlife crisis over several websites, I found a few points that resonated with me. I'd concurred with the descriptions of feelings of panic and sadness that had been washing over me on for some time by then. Insomnia had been regularly creeping in. Hot flashes abounded. The more I read, the more I decided I was in a perimenopausal midlife crisis.

I wondered, "Will I find answers to help me feel better? Or, will I be stuck feeling bad forever?"

Happy to Have a Diagnosis 

Google is great for diagnosing oneself. Sometimes it's wrong, but at times, it can be helpful. Once I had diagnosed myself, I embarked on a new journey. 

My problems of rising and falling moods, nightsweats, and so on, didn't instantly vanish.  I wasn't given the complete picture of what God wanted next for me. In retrospect, I can now tell you a midlife crisis is something to walk through.

For me, it required speaking boldly to my physician about everything. And she suggested I see a mental health therapist. Of course, I also did a lot of reading and praying. 

I had so many deep thoughts, I felt sharing them with a run-of-the mill friend or relative would cause them to stop being friends or laugh me out of the room.  I looked into the therapist my doctor recommended, but she had no open spots for months. I needed help NOW! So I looked into the options provided by my husband's work health plan. I found that sharing my heart by email with an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) counsellor was helpful for that time. I used a couple of different ones who cited they were Christian based. And they were very reassuring. 

And later, as I went through life coach training myself,  I hired three different life coaches at different times. 

I really needed a trusted friend to share life with. But I didn't have a bestie (as they say) where I lived in Winnipeg--one of the places we had job transferred to. 

I have a longtime history of living life as a loner with social anxiety, am an introvert, have low self-confidence, experience bouts of melancholy, and I have had enough experiences to not know whom I can trust. I'm from a family of five siblings and growing up was tumultuous. Even siblings have had their own viewpoint of life growing up which didn't match mine. So sharing life concerns with them can be troubling. 

I'm only now coming to terms with the idea the above-noted traits are how God made me and I have nothing profoundly wrong with those parts of me. 

If you have a good and trusted friend to talk to, that may be just as good as therapy for yoiu. But if you're like me, not a good friend maker, knowing who to share what with can be troublesome. There are many things a woman doesn't want to share with just anyone. So do hire a therapist online or in person. And do try working with a life coach. 

HOW LIFE COACHING HELPED ME

Dealing with troubling feelings and not knowing where to find answers can provoke a lot of fear in a woman. 
Prayer works, but it was clearly not all that I needed. I'd been trying to pray "those feelings" away many times.  

Finally, other than casting my cares on God, it was helpful to have a Christian Life Coach to cast my cares on. Each prayed over my concerns.  That in itself was worth the money.

FINDING A COACH

If you're interested in walking through your midlife crisis with a life coach, my suggestion is to look for a coach that seems to gear her practice towards the themes you feel most troubled about. In other words, unless you want to work on building a business, don't choose a coach that specializes in business-building, but if you want to change careers, do choose a career coach.

There are many general life coaches around. Do an online search and try out a few sessions with one.