Painting by Rosalie Garde 2014 "Birds' Favourite
Though I've done many great things in life, I often fail to see it myself. Instead, I look at what is not happening. And that is rarely helpful. This past year I have felt like I didn't do much. Life has not been normal. I have been working through the night, often, and sleeping in the day.
That has been bothersome, but when I look back, I see I have accomplished a lot.
TIP: STOP FOCUSING ON WHAT IS NOT HAPPENING.
CRISIS FATIGUE
Though I have done a lot, right now I have crisis fatigue. Let me share a few of the projects I've been involved in.
I felt called by God to participate in a special project for a year that involved using open-source intelligence (OSINT) research for finding criminals. I worked with a law enforcement agency and a team of other researchers.
At first, I was brave to face the nonsense. It was NOT A CALLING I COULD TALK PUBLICLY ABOUT. The highs and lows had to be kept to myself.
IT WAS NOT A PAID CALLING. Yet, it was the most fulfilling volunteer work I'd done in a long time. It kept me sane through covid shutdowns.
How did I get into it? It was a natural process of a path God has had me on since 2014 with OSINT work and with what I witnessed in 2020/2021. All issues in my work evoked righteous anger. I dedicated the work to God as I know he shared my righteous anger over the atrocities. Each time I dug in, I prayed, "Lord, open my eyes to see what I need to see. Lead me where I need to go (online)."
The work compelled me to be the hands and feet of Jesus using my tech skills for this project.
TIP: GIVE GOD YOUR SKILLS TO USE IN WHATEVER WAY HE NEEDS YOU TO USE THEM.
GRIEF
My elderly mom passed away in 2020 so this recent crisis fatigue includes that grief--being an orphan--wishing I'd asked mom about this or that or listened to her more when she was about to tell me something. Feeling guilty I didn't do as much as I might have the last few months of her life. . .
And, my son dealt with his internship mostly online due to Covid shutdowns and has been unemployed all winter! As his mom, I want to help him find a job that fits all the education he paid a lot of money for. And so I grieve all the stalemates.
COVID FATIGUE
Amongst all this has been the bombardment of unending education about Covid-19, stories about anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, hearing about needless deaths, and learning new strains are popping up even now.
I have Covid-19 fatigue. Do you?
In 2020, I quit my gym. There was no way I was going to do their videos at home.
I had also been called to host a Shelter-at-Home Facebook Group for those feeling the isolation. It was helpful for me. But now was time to lay it down.
TIP: QUIT SOMETHING WHEN IT'S TIME.
WAR FATIGUE
With the war in Ukraine, this month, I wanted to do more than pray for Ukraine. So I became part of a cyber sleuth task force to help counter the Russian propaganda (which is huge), with the truth.
The lies they tell are mindboggling. The scenes I witnessed on Twitter by respected journalists were hard to watch. It added to my mental stress. (Pray for the journalists, the soldiers, and the people of both countries.)
But, even this work felt like a God-calling. I prayed, "Lord, take the loaves and fishes of my work, and multiply it. Let those who need to hear the truth hear it."
As of today, I've tried to pass the baton to others.
Back to Square One
So, here I am, back to square one wondering about my next assignment in living out God's purpose. In the past, it included paid writing, ebook writing, editing projects, (as far as my paid work went). But lots of that motivation is gone. (I applied for a steady proofreading job and didn't get to the interview stage. My heart sank.) I am working on my artwork and publishing it online. Will have to see where that goes.
TIP: TRY SEVERAL THINGS. IT IS HARD TO FIND ONE LONG-TERM CALLING.
I have found over the course of life that for myself, God doesn't give me a big shiny calling that rains cash. For me, God's callings are usually found in his nudges. After inviting God into my day, I pray for God to nudge me. When I feel a nudge--an urge to do something--I do it. And for now, that is how I will await God's next calling.