When the Next Chapter Isn’t Yet Clear

Let me continue the telling of the time I had no new dreams as outlined in this post. 

Many women who had a job or career before having children remember how we once felt in the workforce. There was routine and order, mental stimulation, problem-solving, conversation, and the sense of contributing. Yet, years later after raising our children for a time, when imagining returning to that world full-time, we know it is not what we truly want either. Our priorities have changed. And we become dumbfounded. No one taught us what's next. 

We know we can't go backward. We know that caring for our family does give us a sene of purpose. But in midlife, something feels missing that we cannot quite name. And because we cannot name it, we do not know what to do about it.

Some information I read said women at this stage want to start something new--a business, courses, a new job, while their partner is prefering to wind down. Conversations with our spouse may get us no where if he truly can't relate to what we're feeling.

I searched for answers during that time because I sensed the feeling was not random. It wasn’t simply moodiness or midlife dissatisfaction. Something deeper was taking place inside me. So, I read books, searched online, and tried different activities. I know now that seasons of transition often begin with questions rather than answers. 

Pain sometimes makes us dig hard. God sometimes allows us to feel the emptiness—not to discourage us, but to create space for something new He intends to grow.

Inwardly, at that time, I knew it wasn’t really a job I was longing for. It was the feelings that a job might give me:

I wanted to earn money of my own.
I wanted to interact with people.

I wanted to be seen.
I wanted to feel useful and mentally stimulated.
I wanted purpose again and to have a sense of accomplishment.

I wanted new dreams and new goals.

But I was hitting a LOAD of deadends!

When that sense of purpose feels missing, the emptiness can be surprisingly painful. It may be emotional and confusing, but it is also very human. Many midlife women quietly experience it.

Did I solve my midlife crisis right away?

Not at all.

What I slowly began to understand was that this stage of life is not simply about finding another job or filling empty hours. It is a deeper transition.

For many years we were focused outward—raising children, supporting a household, caring for others. Midlife quietly shifts the focus inward again.

The question is no longer, What does my family need from me today?

The question becomes, Lord, who am I now, and how do You want to use me in the years ahead?

One thing I'd wished I'd known was life is lived in phases.  And there is often an uncomfortable gap between life seasons. For me, the intensity of daily child-rearing was changing, even though responsibilities continued. Later, it happened again--when my son was grown and returned home from university to live with us again--something my daughter didn't do. I often said, "I feel free but not really free." My mothering role seemed to continue. How I mothered changed, but I still had one foot in that role no matter what other changes occurred. 

That gap can feel uncomfortable. It can feel like wandering. Yet many times it is simply a season where God is loosening our grip on the past before revealing what comes next.

Let me assure you, purpose in midlife does not always look like a career or a dramatic new venture. Sometimes it appears in quieter ways—mentoring someone younger, serving in small but meaningful ways, creating, learning, encouraging, or simply growing into a deeper relationship with God. 

The next chapter rarely arrives as a clear blueprint. More often it begins with walking through small open doors.

A conversation.
A class that interests you.
A volunteer opportunity.

An invitation from a friend or even a stranger.
A creative idea that you decide to take action on. 

At first these may seem insignificant. Yet many new directions begin exactly that way.

In response to my emptiness, I began taking small steps. I tried a number of different things over the years—tutoring, teaching conversational English as a Second Language classes, editing papers, writing articles, and I took on short-term jobs that fit around family life.

Each step brought moments of interest or satisfaction and a little pay. Yet none of them fully answered the deeper longing I was feeling inside.

This is something I wish someone had explained to me earlier--that taking small steps is still worthwhile, but those steps do not necessarily erase the mixed feelings that can accompany midlife--and, the search itself may last longer than expected.

For a long time I thought the problem was that I simply had not found the right activity yet. If I could just discover the correct title, the correct role, the correct description of who I was, everything would finally settle into place.

I remember attending a business networking meeting where everyone introduced themselves with a simple sentence followed by their elevator pitch: 

“I’m a realtor.”
“I’m a travel agent.”
“I’m a financial advisor.”

When it was my turn, I struggled. I had done many small things—writing, editing, life coaching, teaching, helping a realtor with home showcasing—but I could not reduce my life to a single title. The more I tried to explain, the more awkward it felt. One woman eventually told me I was talking too long.

I left that meeting feeling embarrassed and strangely invisible. I realized that what I lacked was not activity. I lacked a clear sense of who I was becoming in this new life stage.

Midlife is not always a season where one neat new title appears. Sometimes it is a season of exploration. And that has to be good enough!

Make your midlife a season where you try small things, learn about yourself again, and slowly discover how God may want to develop you in the years ahead.

The Season I Had No New Dreams

Are you in midlife and finding you have no new dreams? Do you feel like you've lost yourself and seem to be wandering in a circle not being able to identify a new direction?

Many women reach a season like this when they begin wondering what life will look like beyond raising their children. It can be a confusing time. I suspect many husbands have listened with some bewilderment as their wives try to explain the restless questions stirring inside them. I remember that season well.

I was about forty-eight years old, in the years of perimenopause, with children who were fourteen and twelve. Up to that point, my life had been deeply centered around my home and family. I had applied for different jobs over the years, but I never really saw myself working full-time again. I still wanted to be my children’s taxi driver, to be present for their activities, and to have enough energy left at days end. Yet at the same time, something inside me was shifting.

I recall leading a small group of women who were navigating similar questions. During one session, I suggested everyone create a “dream book”—a place where they could write ideas for the future, things they might like to explore or become involved in someday.

My own journal had a beautiful cover decorated with colourful circles. It looked hopeful from the outside.

But inside?

The pages were blank.

I had no new dreams to write down.

That reality made me sad and confused. I didn’t yet understand that I was in the middle of a midlife transition. I recognized that the identity I had built around motherhood was beginning to shift, and I didn’t yet know what would take its place.

Looking back now, I see that those years were really a long journey of self-re-discovery. I was curious about myself in ways I had never been before. I wasn't the same young twenty- or thirty- something looking for a new job. I was older now. A wife, a mom with two teens. 

I researched jobs and looked into possible courses I might take. I contacted one organization about a course and I was told I was overqualfified, even though I'd been out of the workforce over ten years! 

Nothing was turning up and I questioned my mental health and emotional well-being seeking an antidepressant and counselling. 

I had quit going to Curves, the circuit style gym, thinking I'd use new equipment at home my husband had bought. I had hoped to enjoy being with people at Curves, but found that most women didn't want to interact. It gave me a bit of physical boost, but nothing socially. And I was lonely.

It was a difficult time for me and I mostly navigated it quietly within my own heart. Do I want to go back and relive that time? No way! 

I knew it then in my heart, but it was sometimes hard to believe it: that God was not absent during that season of confusion. He was leading me through it. This is why when I write on Midlife Crisis, I say it is something to walk through. And for some of us it is like walking through a thicket of prickles. We know God can lay down a pleasant path for us that is gentle, so when he doesn't, it becomes depressing. 

I know very well that for many of us, the Lord does not replace one identity with another overnight. And when in perimenopause we have hormonal emotions to deal with too. Something we don't often think of when feeling lost and sad is just how much we are GRIEVING! And grieving can be sad and lonely. 

I know I was grieving the loss of energy. I found it was getting difficult to get to Bible study or the gym for 10 am. I was grieving the changes in my children. My babies were grown. I was grieving the life stage of them being preschoolers. It was long gone. And no one prepared me to know what is supposed to come next! 

I felt like a failure, but can see it differently now. Those blank pages in my dream book were not a failure. They were simply the beginning of a new chapter I could not yet see. There were changes that I needed to grieve and accept. And by writing here now I hope I can help one reader understand she won't be in the quagmire forever. Acknowledge it. Write about it in a journal. Write prayers. Ask God to show you the next step to take. Ask God to show you how to grieve the changes and ways to step forward. 

A woman can be fully committed to her home and family, even running a small business from home as many do, and still feel a certain emptiness during this midlife stage. Feeling this way does not reflect a lack of gratitude. It should not imply regret for decisions made years ago. Your lost feelings are not a sign that you are failing your family or calling.  These feelings are the nudges a woman needs at this stage that enables her to shift, and shift again. 

Some Thoughts on Boredom

Though the future is a blurr, we can trust in God.

I don't know if you are like me in this or not. More times than I can count, I've struggled with boredom. It's a different feeling than loneliness or depression. It's a label I give myself usually late at night or sometimes while watching a TV show where the characters on the show seem to have more fabulous lives than I do. Sometimes it's after being couped up in the house too long. Boredom creeps up. 

I can follow the boredom trail if I want which usually leads me to feelings of self-pity, scrolling the online job bank, Facebook scrolling, or shaking my fist at God asking him to please give me what I need. 

Or, I can flip the channel of my thoughts. 

Sometimes boredom has a good side. I can prompt us to decide to take new steps or try new activities. It can be a motivator!

The type of boredom I usually fall into is tricky in that it often arrives when we have no time to prevent it or do anything about it. What I mean by that is I have often felt it late at night when it's too late to call a friend and ask her out for coffee and chit chat, or too late to go out to any type of social event.

Does that happen to you?

                            

Tonight I read about a syndrome some are calling midlife disappointment syndrome (MDS). I wondered if that is what my boredom is about. 

Similar to a midlife crisis, the symptoms of MDS can tempt a person to make radical changes in life. Some women, feeling hemmed in by midlife disappointment, suddenly consider leaving their marriage or career, pursuing plastic surgery, or even selling their home in search of a fresh start.

It becomes so important to recognize the boredom trail early and step off it before it leads somewhere destructive.

When a person stays on that trail too long, the mind can begin to replay the same dissatisfied thoughts again and again. Over time, those thoughts can start to feel like truth rather than passing emotions. The story becomes convincing: Something must be wrong with my life.

And once that belief takes hold, there are often people nearby who will encourage drastic action. Friends or acquaintances may cheer on the idea of dramatic change, reinforcing the belief that tearing everything down is the path to freedom.

But in many cases, the real problem is not the marriage, the home, or the circumstances themselves. It is simply the natural experience of boredom—something that visits every life from time to time. Recognizing that difference can prevent decisions that later become the greatest regrets.

                            

Just as taking a vacation does not solve life boredom once the trip is over, throwing out a marriage is not necessarily the answer either. Escaping for a time may provide relief, but when the novelty fades, the same restlessness often returns.

A better response is to recognize that boredom may simply be a signal that something needs attention. Instead of dismantling what has been built, it may be time to invest in it—especially in a marriage. Turning toward the relationship, rather than away from it, often leads to deeper growth and renewed connection.

Part of the path forward is learning to dismiss the looping thoughts that boredom tends to produce. Those thoughts often exaggerate dissatisfaction and narrow the mind’s focus to what feels lacking. Replacing them with more hopeful thinking opens space for a different perspective.

I once read a distinction that stayed with me: optimism can simply be positive thinking, but hopefulness is rooted in God-thinking. When hope rests in the belief that God is good and knows what is best for a person, the mind settles differently. Will you trust God to relieve your boredom? 

With God-thinking, there is a renewed sense of peace, purpose, and even joy. In that light, boredom loses much of its power.  

                               

For a long time, I assumed my struggles with boredom were unique to me—perhaps the result of the choices I made in my life. After working for fourteen years, I stepped away from my job to raise my children. That decision meant leaving the routines and rhythms of the workforce, and I have now been outside that structure for more than twenty-five years.

I was never “just” a homemaker, though. Over the years I took on a variety of work-from-home roles and projects. Yet those experiences were different from traditional employment. I did not have the daily camaraderie of coworkers, the affirmation or recognition that often comes from peers, the steady rhythm of a regular paycheck, or the built-in social interaction many people experience in a workplace.

Because of that, I once believed boredom might simply be the by-product of my particular lifestyle. What I have since discovered, however, is that this feeling is not unique to me at all. It crosses many boundaries—affecting people in all kinds of circumstances and life stages.

                     

One article I read said the solution is acceptance. I think that is partly true.

For Christ-followers, there is peace in accepting that the God of the universe can change our lives at any time. For now, He has placed us where we are, doing what we are doing, and surrounded by the relationships we have—for His reasons.

When boredom creeps in, I try to flip the script. I remind myself that one long season of career building and motherhood has already passed, and the future is still unwritten—except to God. He knows our end from our beginning.

                           

Some say boredom can be a sign of spiritual neglect. Others say it is closely tied to grief. Both may be true. I can see places in my own life where grief quietly lives. I may grieve the career path that never unfolded as I once imagined. I may grieve the passing of the intense motherhood years. I may even grieve the simple routines I once had—like walking my dog, who is now gone. Grief, in many forms, becomes part of the aging process.

Yet mingled with that grief and occasional boredom is a growing trust that the phase ahead will bring new opportunities. I try to lean into God during these times—reading His Word, learning from thoughtful authors, and listening for His guidance.

What unsettles me at times is not being able to clearly label what comes next. I want to know the plan. I want to see the direction. But that knowledge often comes only in time. And acceptance needs to fit in between. 

And so I wait for the next opportunities to appear, choosing to do so with expectancy rather than fear.

                           

I think dealing with this boredom requires we have proper expectations. Sometimes it is our expectations and wants that get us into trouble. We can't have it all! (All our brains imagine, that is.) We must be happy with the little God reveals and the small successes we are given.  

What we can do is pour out our heart's desires to God and let him decide what he wants to do with them. 

                           

We should not expect our lives to look the way they did in our twenties, nor should we measure them against the lives of others we happen to cross paths with. Instead, we can place our lives on God’s altar and trust Him to shape us more into His likeness, guiding us one step at a time.

And we can trust that He will use us to fulfill the purposes He has in mind—whether or not we always have the eyes to recognize them in the moment.

Embracing Uniqueness: Navigating Midlife Transitions with Grace and Individuality

I recently connected on social media with a couple of women who have started a movement for women who had powerful professional careers but who were now retired. What they offer is intriguing on some levels, but it's easy for me to see it's not really my cup of tea. 

From age 36 and on, my calling changed from working as an executive assistant to become a career mother and, later, life coach and writer. I held no professional credientials as these women did, but I knew beyond a doubt I was doing what my heart suggested I should do. 

These women, had been career lawyers. Throughout their careers, they reportedly held parties and enjoyed dressing sharply. Now, in retirement, they still love to entertain and dress sharply, with a few changes. It was funny to hear one say their retired male counterparts aren't exactly dressing nicely now that they're retired. 

We're All Unique

We are all unique. It's exciting to hear others' stories and learn from them. And it's great to see our differences and rest in who we are. I dislike entertaining. My career clothes are jeans, leggings, jeggings, tunics, and T-shirts. My worldview is vastly different from theirs but I still tune into their videos now and then.

As I listened to these women, it struck me that since I'd worked from home for so many years, I'd already navigated many of the challenges they were just now encountering concerning life lived from home base. Some of the questions that faced them included: 

Where to find community. 

How to explain to others what they do. 

How to keep a sense of identity once they are no longer identified by their job. 

Art by Rosalie Garde

Most midlife women struggle with these questions. I've tackled them on and off for years. Have you?

My perspective has grown and evolved as I've now entered my older adult years and call myself semi-retired. But one thing has never changed, and that is what I know about how God sees all women. We are all equal in God's eyes whether we are or have been in high-paid professional careers or not! And in that truth, I find my rest.

God creates us all with unique gifts, abilities, and callings. Some of us are better at cleaning and organizing a home than others are. Some are better at smoozing and fundraising for charities than others are. Some women are salon owners who are great at doing hair. Others are engineers who take care of multimillion dollar civil projects in their cities. Others are cut flower gardeners/sellers. 

Doodle Art by Rosalie Garde

Stop the Comparing

Rather than comparing ourselves with others or feeling less than, it's better to celebrate who we are and where God has placed us. Having contentment and joy in our livelihood is better than loathing it. And tough luck if women around us don't understand our choices. 

Most of us have realized that all through life we remake ourselves. Sometimes we struggle. That's pretty common. 

These recently retired women mentioned above are on a mission to figure out who they are "now" and then to share their discoveries with newly retired or about-to-retire women. I'm sure many will flock to them for advice. 

My advice is that it's okay to be curious about new programs offered on social media. It's okay to take lessons from others. But most importantly, it is the voice of the Holy Spirit we need to follow.

Always continue being the person God created YOU to be. Give yourself a pat on the back for how far you've already come.

Making Sense of Your Midlife Crisis

Artwork by Rosalie Garde

It is a bit overcast here - damp and cool, so I thought I'd revisit this blog and head out to the garden later when the sun comes out. 

I saw a post recently on Bluesky where a male life coach is coaching a male on his midlife crisis. This crisis time seems to affect men and women. Some of the reasons are similar, and many are different. No two midlife crises are the same or handled similarly. 

Far too many individuals make drastic changes to their lives in an attempt to solve their crisis. My take on midlife crisis is that it is better to walk through it contemplatively, not try to solve it with quick maneuvers. 

Artwork by Rosalie Garde

1. A Process, Not a Problem to Eliminate

“Walking through a midlife crisis” means recognizing that midlife crisis is not a disease with a quick solution. Rather, this feeling of boredom, discontent, or a strong craving for life changes is a natural developmental stage. Handled correctly, it involves a period of questioning, re-evaluation, and recognizing small changes to make. 

This midlife phase may invoke strong feelings such as grief, worry, or fear. Depression may appear. 

The aim isn’t to erase the feelings, but to experience them consciously. 

Having a coach or counsellor to walk through it with you, will be extremely helpful. 

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2. Allowing Emotional Upheaval

The crisis often points to areas of life that need attention: values, purpose, relationships, health, or identity. The problem is, you can know you need attention in all of these areas, but not know how to tackle them. That was my dilemma. 

I thought if I just had a job again (after being an at-home mom for years), that I would feel normal and happy again. So I spent hours searching the job boards. I applied to many, and received rejection after rejection which led to self-pity and more questioning. 

I think what I really wanted wasn't a job, but all the things a job brings: identity, self-esteem, validation, peers, a sense of order to life. But it seems God had called me to a different sort of life--one that didn't make sense--one that lacked the things my soul now craved.  

I had seen the benefits in being there for my family, but we are multi-facetted people. Being an at-home mom didn't reflect all of who I was. During my midlife crisis, it was easy to recite my life lows. 

By then, my children were independent. I wasn't needed to be on the spot all the time. When I learned about the life coaching course with a Christian perspective, I was ecstatic. It felt like an exciting new calling. I took the courses and became certified to coach women. But within no time, I plummeted again. In between consultations and coaching clients, all the same boredom remained. 

I looked for part-time work that would suit my family schedule, but met with rejection after rejection to applications. I fell into self-pity. I wondered: As a Christ follower, surely he could find the right niche for me, could he not?

Yes, I walked through discomfort. 

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3. Allowing Growth Through Support

During my period of crisis, I felt lost. I became depressed. Social isolation did not help. But I didn't have answers. I didn't have many close friends at the time whom I could count on. 

So, with the suggestion of my doctor, I hired the services of a counsellor. I used the online email model through my husband's employment package. (They had no in-person local counsellor available.) 

I'd describe the sessions with my counsellor as one of being able to flush a lot of junk (feelings) out of my system. It had built up too long. And this was something I had needed. 

Did the sessions cure my crisis? No. I also started taking anti-depressants. I continued to look after my family and home. I continued walking my dog. I read the replies from my counsellor and thought deeply about them. 

Finding an ally was helpful. 

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4. Staying Present Rather Than Escaping

Walking through a midlife crisis suggests staying present in the journey rather than numbing, distracting, or making impulsive changes to “get rid of it.” 

I didn't stay frozen; I continued to make what my coaching instructor had taught me--'low cost probes'. I had always wanted to be a paid writer. I knew that from a young age. And now, with the Internet, there were ways to actually do that. 

So I searched for opportunities, and I found them. I found work as a paid freelance web content writer, and was able to work from home for many years as a writer. 

I also advertised myself as a proofreader, editor, and ghost writer. I later took on at-home transcription work to fill the gaps and add to my pay. And I wrote my own books and self-published them on Amazon. 

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5. Transformation on the Other Side

By walking through my crisis, I arrived at the other side with greater self-knowledge, resilience, and alignment. 

No, not all my problems were solved, but I was on my way to cultivating a much more fulfilling second half of life. 

If you try to “cure” your midlife crisis by taking drastic steps, you may end up regretting your choices. 

Within a midlife crisis are signals calling for change. When you sense them, write them down. Pray them to God. Take small steps of investigation. Take brave steps with a willingness and permission to change course if it doesn't feel right.  

My suggestion is you embrace your midlife crisis as a passage to walk through rather than a problem to eradicate.

Are You in the Midst of a Midlife Crisis? What Can you Do?

It's been awhile since I've written on midlife issues. But a new batch of women are now in midlife!

I have insight and knowledge so thought I should add a few more blog posts on the midlife topic. I don't need to know the reasons for doing so. I love writing, and if what I share speaks to even one woman, I've met a goal. 

Just today, I happened upon a story of a midlife woman that disappeared several years ago and was found deceased. Her husband said that just prior to her death she had changed. She was going out a lot. She was drinking more than usual. In the article, her husband said he thought she might be going through a midlife crisis.  

The husband was charged and found not guilty. They still don't know what happened to her. 

What I can agree with is that as a woman goes through perimenopause, her mental health can be compromised. There is even a window of vulnerability for women to be diagnosed with Schizophrenia, a serious mental health condition that affects how people think, feel, and behave.

Yes, many women fall into a phase one might describe as a midlife crisis. Typically, she feels bored, stuck in a rut, she craves more excitment in her life, she grieves the past and the younger woman she once was. 

Each woman who finds themselves in this precarious situation handles her journey in her own way. Some make radical changes (which I don't advise.) But no one wants a woman to end up dead as the woman in the story above did. 

My Journey

Here is a bit of my story: 

Tossing and turning were yielding nothing. Sleep had evaded me once again, and troubled feelings were stirring. So I carefully reached for my fluffy robe and slid out of bed as quietly as I could. My husband slept soundly as I tiptoed out the door and down the stairs in the dim light to the lower level office.

The brightness of the computer screen was blinding in the darkened room. Two-thirty was the time on the clock when I began my web search for answers for my chaotic feelings, and 4:30 was the time when I returned to bed and finally fell asleep.

For that two hours, I sat, in the quiet of the night, typing various combinations of words into the Google search bar. One phrase I typed in was one that I'd heard a lot but surely didn't think fit me, after all, I wasn't looking for a younger man or wanting to buy a sportscar (you know the old cliche?)

There I sat though, and typed the words:

"m-i-d-l-i-f-e   c-r-i-s-i-s".

WAS I HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS?

After reading a few of the descriptions for midlife crisis over several websites, I found a few points that resonated with me. One in particular convinced me that, yes indeed, what I was feeling had been experienced by other women my age (50 at the time). I realized right then that I must be in a similar state.

I wondered, "What if, in fact I was having a midlife crisis, would I find answers to help me eventually feel better? Or, would I be stuck feeling lost forever?"

I'd been experiencing feelings of panic and sadness off and on for some time by then, and insomnia had been regularly creeping in. A reocurring theme was that I felt constrained, stuck, craving change but not knowing what that change should be. Each time those troubling feelings arrived, I hated them.

Now that I'd somewhat diagnosed the condition, I wondered if I really had what would be needed to walk through the associated symptoms. I wondered if I would be capable of finding the answers I needed to be happy and balanced again.  I wondered if I would ever reach the other side of it all. I wondered what step I should take to help me move forward.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS FOR MIDLIFE CRISIS

At that time, I looked for solutions for my midlife crisis in all kinds of places. Of course, as a Christian, I prayed and sought out as much Christian-based material as I could that might put me on a course.

I know now that a midlife crisis isn't something a woman 'solves'. It is a journey to be walked through. For me, it took an incredible amount of introspection. It took bravery to talk to my physician to see if hormonal changes or depression were the issue. Both were. But my doctor chose to treat the depression saying hormone therapy wouldn't improve my mood. 

She wanted a commitment from me, though. She wanted me to go to a mental health therapist in tangent with taking the new anti-depressant. 

I folded the handwritten note she gave me and tucked it into my purse. On it was the name of a therapist she highly recommended. And, the next step on my journey was to book an appointment for the therapist and another to return to the doctor three months later.

But I soon met with more frustration. My period bleeding was going gangbusters. My depression was constnat. And the therapist was fully booked for several months with no openings to see me. The only thing I could do in that moment was cry. And crying led to headaches and more grief. 

My husband was concerned and comforting. He handed me a pamphlet he'd received in his work medical plan packet. It explained the process for working with an Employee Assistance Plan counsellor. EAP is a confidential program that provides aid and support to individuals facing personal or work-related problems. As a spouse on the plan, I could choose counselling by telephone or email which I saw was better than nothing at all. And confidential it was. I was given a code name for signing in on the therapist's platform so that no one else could read my messages. 

I would have preferred to see someone in person, but this was the first time I'd be going for therapy. I didn't want to go to just anyone. So in my inquiry, I asked if there were any Christian therapists I could use. 

I got my referall and decided to try the email counselling, and in a series of emails, poured out my heart. I shared with her what I'd tried to date. I shared my disapointments with finding work. I shared my disappointments about my life coaching practice not blossoming. I shared about the mood swings I was having related to periods--a new type of depression which I attributed to perimenopause. I shared about my fear of my children growing up. I loved them so much I couldn't picture a world without them in it. 

It was good to be validated and reassured. The therapist gave me hope for the future. I felt heard. And, in time, the anti-depressant kicked in. 

My problems of rising and falling moods, nightsweats, heavy periods, and so on, didn't instantly vanish.  But the anti-depressant helped. I wasn't given the complete picture of what God wanted next for in midlife. But I was comforted and strengthened to have a coach to work through many issues with. 

Dealing with troubling feelings and not knowing where to find answers can provoke a lot of fear in a woman. Some women make wrong turns during their midlife crisis. Some give up their marriage. Some quit their jobs. Some blame their family or husband for their unhappiness. For myself, it was key to deal with the depression, and then to have my thinking challenged with therapy and later the help of a Christian life coach. 

A New Season, A New Blog

 

I'm excited to announce the launch of yet another blog! 

I considered adding the new posts here to save time, but after some prayer and a timely email I received, I felt led to create a dedicated space on a new Blogger platform. This new blog dives into the growing conversation around the deconstruction of Christian faith. If you're curious about why church pews are becoming emptier, why your own desire to attend in person might be fading, or what others are doing in response, I invite you to tune in and explore these topics with me.

The new blog is here

An Update on my Stats and Thanks

Before I write a new post on a new theme, I thought I'd pause to say thank you to all who have visited this blog. If you were wondering why I keep it up, it's because it still gets 'views'. And, it's a great place for me to express myself. 

Here are the latests stats. 

Back in the early days, I had access to more analytics Blogger offered with the simple click of a link. I was able to see what visitors had typed into the search bar to arrive here. I was able to see what part of the world visitors came from. That gave me insight into what topics to study and write on. But as Blogger evolved, they changed that tool and it all became so complicated. So I can only guess how visitors arrived here and from where. I can only guess what readers might be looking for.

The world has become self-serve. The makers of these apps seem to assume everyone is a tech guru. I'm just not that interested in learning more technical stuff these days! So I will enjoy what I do have access to and understand and pray no more big changes are made to Blogger. 

I've seen this blog grow and evolve over time as I've ploded along on my own evolving journey through midlife and beyond. The journey of writing posts has been a rewarding one--my own little place on the Internet where I can attempt to encourage women.

I've had seasons of not adding to the blog. The pandemic was part of that. The special project I got involved with in 2021 was part of that. The brain fog from #CFS has added to it. I've contemplated packing it up. I've asked God for insight. The fact that the blog still gets views after all this time is a reminder of why I continue. 

It’s not just the numbers I'm grateful for, I'm grateful for the personal space it offers me to reflect and express myself and to share about new things I've learned.

Your support means a lot and has kept me going! 

Stages of Life and the Feeling of Loneliness

Over the years, from childhood until now, I've been a stick-to-myself kind of person. Some might call it being a loner, others might say I'm an introvert. As a child, I had social anxiety. They called me shy. Even my parents didn't know what to think of it. And so I took it as though I was flawed. But now that I've raised a son with social anxiety, I have come to understand it completely. It's a genetic disposition, and it's not wrong or flawed. It's unique. 

I had trouble making friends as a child. But I wanted friends. I often felt lonely. By grade 8, I was so done with feeling awkward and God knew it. He led me to make a good friend with a girl named Sophie through our shared relationship in Home Economics Class. Sophie wasn't from my neighbourhood. Our class was combined with hers at another school so it was a relationship with no baggage. She would know little about me and the teasing I received at school often being called a cry baby. And I knew little of her background. Sophie accepted me for what she saw, and throughout highschool we were best friends. I thank God for her. 

In college, I made another best friend, Kathy. She was also a gift from God--one who was an extrovert and able to draw me out of my social anxiety. 

I treasured these friendships. But later in life, I learned that each of them had another set of friends, on the side, and maybe I was more invested in them than they were in me. 

As time went on and we moved apart, I still thought of them and a few others as my core friends--you know the ones you will treasure in your heart always. 

But relationshps were strained as we had each moved geographically apart. And in that era, there was no Facebook, email, texting, and so on. Our relationships faded, as they do in many cases. When I moved back home to Ontario fourteen years later, I hoped to pick up with old friends. But I sorrowfully discovered, most had moved on. Everything was different. I no longer had a core to rely on.

But I had my husband, Ty, a gift from God. My new best friend. 

Seasons of Change

I think many women will identify with the scenario above. And added to it, other life stages we travel through:

When our children are preschoolers, we make friends in moms groups. We mingle with others at the schoolyard. Some might have joined the school council or participated in sports teams. I had to mingle with dance moms, but I was never that kind of dance mom! I was still introverted and liked to stick to myself most of those years. And, again, I was often lonely. 

I joined women's daytime Bible studies, always getting to know a new group of women. I cried at church signup once realizing the women I'd just begun to know in the last bible study group had all dispersed into new groups. Occasionally, women reached out to me, but I had a wall up. I can't explain why, but it was just harder to make friends as an adult.

I pretended everything was going great, of course. I entertained my children's friends, and sometimes chatted with their parents. I was in a high school prayer moms prayer group for a time which I'm thankful for.

Moving On

Later, we moved provinces again. I joined a gym where I found  comraderie with others in a similar life stage. But for me, I still had strong boundaries. I was a Christian and non-Christian jokes and activities like a focus on alcohol and playing cards were offputting. (I was brought up to not do such and haven't shed that old framework.) 

Working from home, I was often lonely. But it suited my introverted self. I was able to earn a little pay while also manage my home and family. I was free to drive my highschool son where he needed to go and free to take healthy meals to my daughter who was living at a nearby university campus. I was still living vicariously through my children in my main role as wife and mom. 

At that time, my dog was my best friend. We went so many places no one else in my family ever knew about. And socializing at the dog park was good for me too. 

Pandemic

My husband and I had been in and out of the empty nest several times by the time the pandemic hit. A few things I was involved in stopped due to the pandemic, including my gym group and church.

When the pandemic hit, I did well, initially. I was used to living life on my terms, working from home. I don't think I felt any more isolated than I had been before the pandemic.

As time ticked on, though, I craved socialization, as we all do. I found a church with an afternoon time and visited every second Sunday. They were friendly, but those who founded the church new each other, some were related, and most were Spanish speaking and difficult to understand due to their strong accents. They were younger. I didn't feel there was anyone in my peer group to make me feel a sense of connection. 

Reaching Out

During this era of starting over as many of us midlife women are in the empty nest trying to make friends as adults, life is complicated. Many retire at this life stage and lose automatic workmates even. 

I can't tell you how many times I would receive a daily emailed devotional where the topic was our need for friendship, koinonia, community, and so on and I couldn't read it. Perhaps the Bible does teach us the need for such, but making it happen can be much harder for many of us. 

Nevertheless, in such times, I encourage myself in the Lord. I look to him to help me rebuild in this complicated life phase. And if this describes where you're at too, please join in this prayer with me: 

A Prayer for New Relationships, Guidance, and Peace

Heavenly Father,

I come before You with a humble heart, seeking Your guidance and grace in this season of my life. You know my desire for new relationships, for friends who will uplift and support me, and for a community where I can both give and receive love and encouragement.

Lord, I ask for Your direction in building these new connections. Show me the paths I should take and the places I should go to meet people who will become true friends. Give me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and the wisdom to recognize the opportunities You place before me.

Help me to be open and approachable, reflecting Your love in all my interactions. Teach me to listen, to understand, and to offer kindness to those I meet. Guide me to those who need a friend as much as I do, so that we can support each other in our journeys.

In this time of rebuilding after the pandemic and after raising a family, when so many connections have been strained or lost, grant me patience and perseverance. Remind me that Your timing is perfect and that You have a plan for me, even when I cannot see it clearly.

Lord, I also pray for peace with the life You have given me right now. Help me to find contentment and joy in the blessings I have. Teach me to cherish the relationships I do have, to nurture them with love and care, and to trust that You are always with me, even when I feel alone.

Thank You, Father, for Your constant presence and unfailing love. May Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I trust in Your promise that You will never leave me nor forsake me.

In Jesus' name, I pray.

Amen.