Are You Having a Midlife Crisis?

I was in my mid-forties at the time when I found myself awake at 3 or 4 am, unable to sleep and feeling troubled. I needed to sleep because I had school-aged children who I'd be getting up in but a few hours to feed and get off to school. The confusing emotions that hit me in those wee hours led me to a web search on Midlife Crisis.

Then and later on as I studied the topic, I discovered that countless midlife women have similar insomnia issues. Alongside them, may be feelings of a midlife crisis that might be described as grieving or melancholy combined with an urgency to know what lies ahead on the road. I craved hope that there was something meaningful in life still to come. I craved relationships, but was not good at finding them. But even with the good I had in my life, my thoughts often tormented me. I didn't know how to get out of my rut.

Midlife crisis feelings are as prevalent in Christian circles as they are for women of other faiths. Some feel these confusing emotions as early as in their 30s but they are more common in a woman's mid-to late 40s and beyond.

And the feelings can come and go. Even when a woman thinks she's over the hump of uncomfortable "lost" type feelings, the feelings may creep back. That's often because she is triggered hormonally which we know is a cycle. But life events can also be at play. 

My Crisis Story 

At the time just prior to my midlife crisis, my husband had decided to purchase exercise equipment, and I, crazily decided if I quit my membership at Curves (exercise location), that I could put that money toward the equipment and use his equipment for exercise. We were, afterall, still on a strict budget. 

Curves was sometimes pleasant, but more often than not, the interaction with other women I sought wasn't happening. It seemed to be a loss I could live with. 

Though by then I'd taken life coach certification, getting paying clients was very difficult. And the part time office job I took didn't work out for me. I thought God had given me an epiphany about another church and so I made what I thought was a right decision to change churches too. I hoped I could more freely share my life coaching abilities in a new church. I hoped to make closer friends. But neither of those things happened to the degree I hoped. 

The reason I point out these two incidents is that, as a stay-at-home mom, I was lonely and cutting myself off from these two social outlets left me feeling more isolated which resulted in depression. Then again, I was going through perimenopause which I feel was connected to the new depression I was battling.

It can be helpful for a midlife woman to understand the possible causes for her feelings so she can put coping strategies into place. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think making changes in my life would end up putting me into a deeper rut. But it did. 

And so, there I was late at night on my computer in the dark wearing a fluffy purple robe my husband had gifted me, I think age 49, looking for answers for my midlife crisis.


POSSIBLE REASONS FOR A MIDLIFE CRISIS

As I learned more, I discovered there were many reasons I was in a rut. Here are a few reasons a woman may have the feeling she's in a midlife crisis. 

She may be:

• grieving the growth stages of her children and sensing her own role changing
• craving a life of her own beyond marriage and children
• grieving never having had children
• entering the empty nest or fearing an impending empty nest
• recognizing that many goals have been achieved--education, career, marriage, children, home ownership...and now experiencing a plateau resulting in a bored feeling
• experiencing marriage difficulties or disappointments
• navigating ongoing singleness
• dealing with a recent separation or divorce
• experiencing job loss or the inability to find work
• trying to restore a sputtering business and having financial fears
• parenting but having trouble with teens
• experiencing pain, illness, and general body aging issues
• dealing with unwanted weight gain
• coping with chronic stiff and sore muscles
• working through perimenopause; menopause and other hormonal imbalances that cause hot flashes, headaches and more
• feeling unhappy with her life evaluation
• wondering what's next and not finding answers
• feeling disappointed with life or people
• failing to have reached goals by a certain age
• facing ongoing fatigue
• lonely feeling unable to make close friends
• unrealistic expectations

Here are but a few reasons Christian women may have a midlife crisis:

• All the above, plus...
• Disappointment with God for not granting her heart's desires
• Difficulty hearing from God
• Difficulty accepting what God seems to allow
• Feeling she has some how spiritually failed her family
• Unanswered prayers, especially concerning her spouse or lack of spouse or children
• Lack of financial prosperity expected from God
• Unfulfilled ministry dreams
• Unanswered prayers regarding personal fulfillment
• Disillusionment with the church or other believers
• Spiritual attack--the devil's temptations of dissatisfaction and "greener grass" syndrome

WOMEN'S MID-LIFE CRISIS: The Good and the Bad

It may help a woman to talk with another woman about her struggles--preferably with one who can relate. (It's tough, though, to fess up to a woman who has no clue what you're talking about.)

You may try joining a Facebook group with women who seem to be in a similar phase, but sometimes even those groups go awry.  I encourage you to study and learn through books that will help walk you through your struggles.

The good is, midlife crisis feelings can cause a woman to draw closer to God as she goes on a quest for answers. The bad is without help, a woman may become stuck in thought patterns that lead her to spiral downward into depression. The bad is a woman may make drastic life decisions she may later regret.

For these reasons, it is important for a Christian woman to wage constant war on her moods and thoughts. Check out everything, and count the cost before taking any drastic steps.

A woman can be helped in battling troubling thoughts and feelings through the professional help of a physician, mental health therapist, or life coach.  

At that time, I also had a dog I took for regular walks. She and I had many adventures I now fondly look back on. I participated in a Mothers Who Pray group and worked with Korean women practicing conversational English. But all that time, I still wasn't settled. I wanted more. And God didn't open bigger doors. The doors I had were probably where he wanted me, but it was just too easy to discredit them. 

And I eventually was given an anti-depressant and signed on for counselling and more life coaching as I walked through my midlife crisis. 

I say in my eBook , a midlife crisis isn't something you SOLVE. It is something you walk through.