In my eBook tailored for Christian Midlife Women, which is accessible on Amazon, I propose an alternative perspective to addressing midlife dilemmas. Rather than seeking to solve them outright, I encourage the idea of walking through them.
We don't disregard our feelings and say they don't matter. No, we acknowledge them. But we are mindful that this time of questioning and chaos is often a life phase affected by so many variables. Navigating a midlife crisis is not akin to a game of darts where you pinpoint the issue and eliminate it with a well-aimed throw.
Consider the situation where a woman blames her husband for her unhappiness and opts for divorce. It's like assigning blame for a puzzle's complexity to a single piece and discarding it, only to realize that the puzzle's intricacy remains unresolved.
While some women may believe that divorce is the key to their happiness, for instance, that idea is akin to trading a temporary sense of relief for a long-term cost. It's like exchanging a valuable possession for a fleeting satisfaction, only to discover that the true price includes not just emotional but financial impoverishment.
Yes, life is complex. It's not wise to blame your midlife crisis on only one cause.
I share this perspective because many women find themselves on a quest to discover a quick fix for their emotional turmoil.
A midlife woman might say, "If I can just find the right job..." or "If we lived in a bigger house..." or "If I had a different husband..." or "If I were only younger and slimmer..."
Women may attempt to alter their circumstances, making significant decisions that could potentially lead to regret later on.
Through my experiences, I've come to realize that the key may not necessarily lie in changing external circumstances but in transforming how we perceive and feel about them while also taking steps forward that are good for our well-being.
It's crucial to recognize that where we find ourselves when feeling in crisis is often a result of our choices. They might have been very good choices we felt led by God to make. They may be choices based on a sense of calling we had years prior. But in midlife, we begin to second-guess them. And it's easy to question God or even blame him for what feels like a suddenly depressing life.
If I could throw out a proverbial life vest to a woman who feels this way, it would be in the form of a suggestion. I would suggest she become curious about her thoughts and consider their roots, but before dissecting them, to reaffirm her trust that the same God who said he'd lead her has led her and is still leading her now.
For myself, God had led me to a couple of cross-country moves with my husband. We're both introverts and he travelled a lot so it was difficult for me to not feel lonely. I understand it better now that I've done research on my own personality style. At the time, though, my default was to have a depressing pity party.
Those moves we took we felt were led by God. Now, with new emotions rising to the top and experiencing perimenopause, God was leading me to take new steps.
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God led me to do Internet research on the topic of Midlife Crisis. He led me to start writing the book pictured above. He led me to talk to my doctor about my depression. He led me to reach out to mental health therapists and life coaches.
Today, as you're walking through midlife, can you pinpoint the feelings you're having? Why not list them. Read my book, talk to a professional or friend, and decide what challenges you're being called to walk through now. What might be your next step?
