WHAT IS MIDLIFE?
I have defined midlife as: taking your life expectancy and cutting the number in half.
i.e. if you plan to live to 95,
midlife for you would be 47.5 years of age.
But the challenges of midlife can affect women of much lower or higher ages. Perimenopause, for example, can span ten years. For myself, it spanned from about age 45 to 55 with my midlife crisis in the middle of that.
And the challenges a woman faces may be more life-phase-specific than age-specific. For those of us who are moms, we had our children at different ages, so our phases of dealing with adult children or nest-emptying varies.
I'd like my readers to know, that it's not uncommon for a significant portion of women to face challenges during this life phase. Individual experiences are influenced by a multitude of factors, including personal circumstances, cultural background, socioeconomic status, and more.
If you feel yourself struggling, I want you to know your struggles are NORMAL! You have not missed out. God has not forgotten you. You are not a failure.
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A Photo of Mt. Peter & Mt. Paul, Kamloops, BC
where we lived for a few years. |
I have learned that life is full of phases--lows and highs, bad and good, despair and hope, uphill climbs and plateaus. And as far as a woman living out her calling, there is not just ONE PATH. It's a winding journey with puddles and rocks to navigate. But if your heart is right with God and your desire is to be the person he has created you to be, he will surely lead you where he wants you to go. And every now and then you need to ask yourself if you truly believe you are where he has placed you.
In my midlife crisis, I would apply for jobs--desperate to find something to break out of my suffocation. One morning, as my young daughter was getting ready for school, I shared with her that I had a job interview scheduled for that day. Without hesitation, she looked up at me with her innocent eyes and said, 'I'll pray for you.' It was a simple yet powerful gesture that touched my heart deeply.
As I left for the interview, her words lingered in my mind. Now, I didn't want to disappoint her. I didn't want her to feel sorry for her momma either.
Unfortunately, I didn't get the job. I couldn't help but wonder if she would be disappointed.
Reflecting on that moment, I realize the true beauty in her response. She saw me. She had compassion. Her words were a genuine expression of support and care. This is the stuff legacies are made of, for where did she learn that?
God didn't unroll a red carpet leading me to the perfect out-of-the-home job where I'd feel the fulfillment I assumed was missing. And I instantly didn't love my life. I had much still to work through.
In retrospect, I believe the challenge for all women has to do with their mindset which has to do with learning to be content whether we get a new job or not.
No, God may not bless you with that perfect little part-time job or that big important title and promotion you crave. Many of us have heart longings of this nature that are never fully met. And we can strive and kick and scream and have a pity party, but if we truly trust God, we will consider what he wants us to learn and what next step he might want us to take.
I get why the Apostle Paul said he could be content in any circumstance, it was because he had a remarkable mindset. Changing our mindset takes a lot of hard work, but it really is the difference between feeling less than and appreciating the life we've been given.
While changing one's mindset is not a cure-all for complex issues such as depression--which is often the basis of a midlife crisis--it can be a powerful tool in helping us manage and cope.
As you uncover your unique offering--what you bring to the world's table--you will discover there are many ways to express yourself in ways God intends you to whether through paid or unpaid means.
One way to look at your life is to consider all you do is your job! How you want to show up to work is up to you.
In the working world, we hear a lot about soft skills. It is often these soft skills God wants us to develop and use the most.
Here are but a few to develop and use in midlife in ways that will touch the world around you:
Develop your character
Develop patience
Show compassion
Show you care
Make ethical choices
Respect the environment
Show empathy and support to others
Do all you do as until the Lord
Be a generous giver
Forgive quickly
Develop your skills and talents
Live a moral life
Set strong boundaries
Be a Christian role model
Stay strong in your faith
Let yourself have fun
