Are you in midlife and finding you have no new dreams? Do you feel like you've lost yourself and seem to be wandering in a circle not being able to identify a new direction?
Many women reach a season like this when they begin wondering what life will look like beyond raising their children. It can be a confusing time. I suspect many husbands have listened with some bewilderment as their wives try to explain the restless questions stirring inside them. I remember that season well.
I was about forty-eight years old, in the years of perimenopause, with children who were fourteen and twelve. Up to that point, my life had been deeply centered around my home and family. I had applied for different jobs over the years, but I never really saw myself working full-time again. I still wanted to be my children’s taxi driver, to be present for their activities, and to have enough energy left at days end. Yet at the same time, something inside me was shifting.
I recall leading a small group of women who were navigating similar questions. During one session, I suggested everyone create a “dream book”—a place where they could write ideas for the future, things they might like to explore or become involved in someday.
My own journal had a beautiful cover decorated with colourful circles. It looked hopeful from the outside.
But inside?
The pages were blank.
I had no new dreams to write down.
That reality made me sad and confused. I didn’t yet understand that I was in the middle of a midlife transition. I recognized that the identity I had built around motherhood was beginning to shift, and I didn’t yet know what would take its place.
I researched jobs and looked into possible courses I might take. I contacted one organization about a course and I was told I was overqualfified, even though I'd been out of the workforce over ten years!
Nothing was turning up and I questioned my mental health and emotional well-being seeking an antidepressant and counselling.
I had quit going to Curves, the circuit style gym, thinking I'd use new equipment at home my husband had bought. I had hoped to enjoy being with people at Curves, but found that most women didn't want to interact. It gave me a bit of physical boost, but nothing socially. And I was lonely.
It was a difficult time for me and I mostly navigated it quietly within my own heart. Do I want to go back and relive that time? No way!
I knew it then in my heart, but it was sometimes hard to believe it: that God was not absent during that season of confusion. He was leading me through it. This is why when I write on Midlife Crisis, I say it is something to walk through. And for some of us it is like walking through a thicket of prickles. We know God can lay down a pleasant path for us that is gentle, so when he doesn't, it becomes depressing.
I know very well that for many of us, the Lord does not replace one identity with another overnight. And when in perimenopause we have hormonal emotions to deal with too. Something we don't often think of when feeling lost and sad is just how much we are GRIEVING! And grieving can be sad and lonely.
I know I was grieving the loss of energy. I found it was getting difficult to get to Bible study or the gym for 10 am. I was grieving the changes in my children. My babies were grown. I was grieving the life stage of them being preschoolers. It was long gone. And no one prepared me to know what is supposed to come next!
I felt like a failure, but can see it differently now. Those blank pages in my dream book were not a failure. They were simply the beginning of a new chapter I could not yet see. There were changes that I needed to grieve and accept. And by writing here now I hope I can help one reader understand she won't be in the quagmire forever. Acknowledge it. Write about it in a journal. Write prayers. Ask God to show you the next step to take. Ask God to show you how to grieve the changes and ways to step forward.
A woman can be fully committed to her home and family, even running a small business from home as many do, and still feel a certain emptiness during this midlife stage. Feeling this way does not reflect a lack of gratitude. It should not imply regret for decisions made years ago. Your lost feelings are not a sign that you are failing your family or calling. These feelings are the nudges a woman needs at this stage that enables her to shift, and shift again.
