Are You Feeling Cast Down and Stuck in a Midlife Crisis?

 

Are you feeling stuck as though you're in a midlife crisis?  Are you wondering if there is more to life?  Are you suddenly overtaken by fear of a less-than-wonderful future?

Midlife crisis feelings can mount up on a woman from seemingly nowhere and for many reasons. Women are usually deep thinkers and feelers. They deal with hormonal shifts that affect their moods. They are nurturers but also crave independence and stature. Perimenopause's hormonal shifts is one very huge cause of such feelings. 

Feelings of being stuck hit me often throughout my time raising children and being a wife. I didn't know where to assign blame or who to reach out to for help. At times like this, we want pain relief. We want to fix ourselves. We don't feel like we are enough. We search for answers. 

Looking back now, I know it would have been better to learn mindfulness tips and to adopt contentment. But we are human. Human issues plague us.

I was a child of God. I prayed all the time. I participated in church meetings and bible studies. But there were moments when I felt deflated and empty. I longed for a sense of happiness and vitality that seemed elusive. In my pursuit of fulfillment, I found myself channeling excessive energy into managing my children, perhaps becoming overly involved. It became clear that I needed a more invigorating outlet to pour myself into.

Depression?

Was it depression? Was I feeling as I was because we'd moved too much and I failed to rebuild my network? Was it because I'd chosen to be an at-home mom leaving the paid workforce and I was stagnating? Was it because every part-time job I applied to failed?Is it because I craved significant church ministry and every attempt soured? Was I simply lonely? Was it my hormones? I suspect it was a combination of all the above. 

If you're fighting these kinds of feelings, I would like to share a few realizations I hope will help you:

One is that all humans suffer from what you might call a restless heart. It is that spot that needs God's peace, guidance, and comfort. We are human so are vulnerable to all that is in the fallen world. We are vulnerable to depression, mental illness, attacks of Satan, hurts from other humans, disappointments in life, injuries, illnesses, you name it. To deny such is to be a Pollyanna (Pollyanna refers to an excessively unrealistic optimistic person, sometimes to the point of being naive or oblivious to negative aspects of a situation.)

As humans, we tend to default to negativism. Thoughts and regrets of our past resurface without invitation. Taking our thoughts captive needs to be a daily exercise. But it can be exhausting without adequate social supports.

Because of our vulnerability combined with the personality God gave us, we need him even more to help us find the best path for our life. 

But most of us who are believers have dedicated ourselves to him for his use. What we have trouble accepting is where we are--the life he has chosen for us. We fight it. We question our self-worth too much. And with good reason. The outside world makes a lot of noise. Other women look down on us or make comments about our choices. Social media causes us to feel jealous or like we don't measure up. 

Confidence in our choices is better. Trusting God's plan is better. Self-acceptance is key. 

Happiness is fleeting. Moodiness can overwhelm us at any time. We weren't made to be in a perpetual life of happiness, but to seek contentment. Peace and contentment within ourselves is a gift from God that can be found when we are in relationship with him.

And sometimes, we have setbacks. I remember a period in life in my 40s when I felt I had no vision. I was relationship-starved though married. I was affirmation-starved. I was given no gold stars, no headlines, no paycheck. I was simply thriving. 

I had no new dreams to propel me forward. I was tired of trying to make my dream of life coaching in a church setting lift off the ground. No church near me would embrace the concept, and since I was an introvert with few connections in high places, my heart's desire for a ministry of that nature would never see the light of day. I didn't understand why God would give me such desires and have the door slammed in my face so many times. (I won't go into detail.) 

Another example is when God decided to give my husband another job transfer--back closer to family. For a time, we were able to enjoy visits from my elderly mother and have extended family over for pool parties and dinners. I didn't have to work so hard for that sense of peace. And then, in 2020, mom passed, and many negative events occurred to destroy our relationships. BOOM! Just like that, I'm having to rebuild yet again. 

I will never understand why God leaves us in the world with great dreams and visions but lets us flounder. I have no clue why so many people in this world are deluded, mean, and ill-spirited. But that's how it seems to be. So if you're floundering, take heart. You aren't alone. 

Know this, God loves you and approves of you no matter what outside sources tell you. God is love, so cling to him. Love yourself! Pursue peace and love in all you do. And apply these tips going forward: 

1. Stop asking why. 

2. Train your mind to see the good in life and dismiss negative thinking.

3. Pray for God's spirit to give you joy and faith so that you won't always feel cast down.

4. Ask God if you should talk to your doctor about possible depression solutions, increase your vitamin D, hire a counsellor, or reach out to someone to talk to.

5. Put your expectations into check. Get rid of black-and-white thinking and live in the grey zone.

6. Realize that everything in life is for a time and season. Most seasons are short.

7. Pray for God to give you a spirit of contentment.  

Even in your darkest days when your mood goes low, when you experience grief, loss, anger, and so on, acknowledge your feelings. It's okay to feel sad now and then. But hang on to trust in God and to hope. 

Your calling in life isn't to do some great job with a big title, it is simply to be part of God's plans and purposes. It is to connect to God and to promote God and his work. It is to be a good steward of all God has blessed you with. 

So don't wander off looking for a new man, a different job, a separation, or divorce. Don't be hasty to tear down what you've already built. 

Keep doing the last thing God told you to do until he reveals something new to do. 

And be content with the mundane life you have because that's where most of us find ourselves daily.