Midlife Crisis Tips for Moving Forward

Tossing and turning were yielding nothing. Sleep had evaded me once again, and troubled feelings were stirring. So I carefully reached for my fluffy robe and slid out of bed as quietly as I could. My husband slept soundly as I tiptoed out the door and down the stairs to the lower level office.

The brightness of the computer screen was blinding in the darkened room. Two-thirty was the time on the clock when I began my web search for answers for my chaotic feelings, and 4:30 was the time when I returned to bed and finally fell asleep.

For that two hours, I sat, in the quiet of the night, typing various combinations of words into the search bar. One phrase I typed into the search bar was one that I'd heard a lot about, but surely didn't think fit me, after all, I wasn't looking for a younger man or wanting to buy a sportscar (you know the old cliche?)

There I sat though, and typed the words:

"m-i-d-l-i-f-e   c-r-i-s-i-s".

This story is in my Amazon Kindle book 16 Essential Steps to Help You Walk Through Your Midlife Crisis: A Self-Coaching Tool for Midlife Christian Women 

WAS I HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS?


After reading a few of the descriptions for midlife crisis over several websites, I found a few points that resonated with me. I'd concurred with the descriptions of feelings of panic and sadness that had been washing over me on for some time by then. Insomnia had been regularly creeping in. Hot flashes abounded. The more I read, the more I decided I was in a perimenopausal midlife crisis.

I wondered, "Will I find answers to help me feel better? Or, will I be stuck feeling bad forever?"

Happy to Have a Diagnosis 

Google is great for diagnosing oneself. Sometimes it's wrong, but at times, it can be helpful. Once I had diagnosed myself, I embarked on a new journey. 

My problems of rising and falling moods, nightsweats, and so on, didn't instantly vanish.  I wasn't given the complete picture of what God wanted next for me. In retrospect, I can now tell you a midlife crisis is something to walk through.

For me, it required speaking boldly to my physician about everything. And she suggested I see a mental health therapist. Of course, I also did a lot of reading and praying. 

I had so many deep thoughts, I felt sharing them with a run-of-the mill friend or relative would cause them to stop being friends or laugh me out of the room.  I looked into the therapist my doctor recommended, but she had no open spots for months. I needed help NOW! So I looked into the options provided by my husband's work health plan. I found that sharing my heart by email with an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) counsellor was helpful for that time. I used a couple of different ones who cited they were Christian based. And they were very reassuring. 

And later, as I went through life coach training myself,  I hired three different life coaches at different times. 

I really needed a trusted friend to share life with. But I didn't have a bestie (as they say) where I lived in Winnipeg--one of the places we had job transferred to. 

I have a longtime history of living life as a loner with social anxiety, am an introvert, have low self-confidence, experience bouts of melancholy, and I have had enough experiences to not know whom I can trust. I'm from a family of five siblings and growing up was tumultuous. Even siblings have had their own viewpoint of life growing up which didn't match mine. So sharing life concerns with them can be troubling. 

I'm only now coming to terms with the idea the above-noted traits are how God made me and I have nothing profoundly wrong with those parts of me. 

If you have a good and trusted friend to talk to, that may be just as good as therapy for yoiu. But if you're like me, not a good friend maker, knowing who to share what with can be troublesome. There are many things a woman doesn't want to share with just anyone. So do hire a therapist online or in person. And do try working with a life coach. 

HOW LIFE COACHING HELPED ME

Dealing with troubling feelings and not knowing where to find answers can provoke a lot of fear in a woman. 
Prayer works, but it was clearly not all that I needed. I'd been trying to pray "those feelings" away many times.  

Finally, other than casting my cares on God, it was helpful to have a Christian Life Coach to cast my cares on. Each prayed over my concerns.  That in itself was worth the money.

FINDING A COACH

If you're interested in walking through your midlife crisis with a life coach, my suggestion is to look for a coach that seems to gear her practice towards the themes you feel most troubled about. In other words, unless you want to work on building a business, don't choose a coach that specializes in business-building, but if you want to change careers, do choose a career coach.

There are many general life coaches around. Do an online search and try out a few sessions with one.

Ways to Address Your Midlife Crisis

I find it a bit peculiar to be writing for my Midlife blog at this life stage given that I've already moved beyond the midlife phase. In fact, I'm on the brink of becoming an official senior next month as I celebrate my 65th birthday! Nonetheless, I'm aware that a fresh wave of women have entered the midlife stage and could benefit from some guidance. That's why I've decided to revisit and refresh some of the older posts I began crafting over a decade ago.

 

So What's All the Talk about Midlife Crisis?

I know women will do a search engine search for midlife crisis when they don't have another word to put on how they're feeling. I know because I did it so many years ago. When a woman finds herself in what she perceives as a "crisis" during midlife, her primary desire often centres around shedding unsettling emotions. However, the root causes of these feelings can be quite diverse.

Many women have experienced moments of joy and happiness, the sensation of a healthy body, and the pursuit of meaningful goals over their lifetime to date. They've known what it feels like to be affirmed and needed, desired even. Often, these are the emotions they yearn to reclaim.

For many women, a looming apprehension revolves around the future and the uncertainty it holds. That future might be described as years ahead, but more often it is simply the week ahead. They want to jump out of their emotional pain and into that exciting new adventure as soon as possible. 

As children grow and prepare to move on themselves, a sense of melancholy can wash over a woman. Some women even feel jealous of their children's active lives. It can become easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for where they currently find themselves--not quite as young, beautiful, and spry as in the past. 

And some can't picture a positive future version of themselves, one that includes health and well-being and no children in the home. 

Then again, some women have had problem children who can't wait for the children to move out and have lives on their own. But the adult children remain, gobbling up their time and energy. 

To get over these confusing feelings it is essential to put down imaginary desires for what might be a different and better life and instead accept and appreciate the present for all it holds. 

Train your mind to appreciate today, and rest assured that as your children eventually move on that you'll evolve too. Ask the Lord to help you look forward to the future he has planned for you.

 

Ways to Alleviate Your Midlife Crisis

Let's delve into ways to address and alleviate the turbulent emotions that frequently arise in midlife.

It's common for women to attribute their emotional turmoil to various external factors such as their husbands, financial constraints, or life circumstances. In their quest to find relief, they may attempt to manipulate these circumstances to improve their emotional state. This could involve seeking new job opportunities, engaging in extramarital affairs, or displaying erratic behavior towards their spouses, among other things. However, it's crucial for women to recognize that what they truly desire is often not a change in their external circumstances but rather a release from the distressing emotions themselves.

In other words, be cautious of following the world's ideas of tossing your job or relationships out the window too hastily. Don't give up what is right in front of you for some whimsical dream of a better life. 

Some of my Doodle/Novelty Artwork.

Tips for Managing Your Emotions 

Here are a few ideas for overcoming troubled feelings in midlife:

1. Self-Reflection: Be curious about your thoughts and feelings in an attempt to understand the root causes of your emotions. Self-awareness can be the first step towards addressing and resolving underlying issues.
2. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a listening ear and valuable insights. Sharing your feelings and experiences can be cathartic and enlightening.
3. Emotional Management: Explore techniques for emotional regulation, such as mindfulness, meditation, or giving yourself permission to rest or pace yourself. These practices may help you cope with difficult emotions in a healthier way.
4. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of seeking external changes, focus on setting small, realistic, and attainable personal goals. Achieving small goals may boost your sense of accomplishment and well-being.
5. Reignite Passions: Reconnect with hobbies or interests that once brought you joy or new ones you believe may bring you joy. Then share them with the world. Share photos on social media or in a blog of your own. Share them in a community setting. Share them in your own front yard. Working on your passions can reignite a sense of purpose and fulfillment, and obtaining feedback from others will give you a boost. 
6. Communication: Open and honest communication with your partner can be instrumental in addressing relationship issues and finding solutions together. Look each other in the eye when speaking, and echo back what each person is saying so each feels validated. 
7. Acceptance: Understand that midlife is a phase of transition and self-discovery. No matter what steps you take to retain your youth, aging will happen. Embrace the changes and uncertainties as opportunities for personal growth.
8. Professional Help: If your emotions feel overwhelming and persistent, don't hesitate to seek the guidance of a mental health professional who can provide tailored support and strategies.

Remember, if you're in a midlife crisis, it's often the inner emotional landscape that requires attention and transformation rather than external changes. You can find peace and contentment during midlife especially as you give yourself grace and acceptance. 

Top of Form

 

 

Are You Having a Midlife Crisis?

I was in my mid-forties at the time when I found myself awake at 3 or 4 am, unable to sleep and feeling troubled. I needed to sleep because I had school-aged children who I'd be getting up in but a few hours to feed and get off to school. The confusing emotions that hit me in those wee hours led me to a web search on Midlife Crisis.

Then and later on as I studied the topic, I discovered that countless midlife women have similar insomnia issues. Alongside them, may be feelings of a midlife crisis that might be described as grieving or melancholy combined with an urgency to know what lies ahead on the road. I craved hope that there was something meaningful in life still to come. I craved relationships, but was not good at finding them. But even with the good I had in my life, my thoughts often tormented me. I didn't know how to get out of my rut.

Midlife crisis feelings are as prevalent in Christian circles as they are for women of other faiths. Some feel these confusing emotions as early as in their 30s but they are more common in a woman's mid-to late 40s and beyond.

And the feelings can come and go. Even when a woman thinks she's over the hump of uncomfortable "lost" type feelings, the feelings may creep back. That's often because she is triggered hormonally which we know is a cycle. But life events can also be at play. 

My Crisis Story 

At the time just prior to my midlife crisis, my husband had decided to purchase exercise equipment, and I, crazily decided if I quit my membership at Curves (exercise location), that I could put that money toward the equipment and use his equipment for exercise. We were, afterall, still on a strict budget. 

Curves was sometimes pleasant, but more often than not, the interaction with other women I sought wasn't happening. It seemed to be a loss I could live with. 

Though by then I'd taken life coach certification, getting paying clients was very difficult. And the part time office job I took didn't work out for me. I thought God had given me an epiphany about another church and so I made what I thought was a right decision to change churches too. I hoped I could more freely share my life coaching abilities in a new church. I hoped to make closer friends. But neither of those things happened to the degree I hoped. 

The reason I point out these two incidents is that, as a stay-at-home mom, I was lonely and cutting myself off from these two social outlets left me feeling more isolated which resulted in depression. Then again, I was going through perimenopause which I feel was connected to the new depression I was battling.

It can be helpful for a midlife woman to understand the possible causes for her feelings so she can put coping strategies into place. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think making changes in my life would end up putting me into a deeper rut. But it did. 

And so, there I was late at night on my computer in the dark wearing a fluffy purple robe my husband had gifted me, I think age 49, looking for answers for my midlife crisis.


POSSIBLE REASONS FOR A MIDLIFE CRISIS

As I learned more, I discovered there were many reasons I was in a rut. Here are a few reasons a woman may have the feeling she's in a midlife crisis. 

She may be:

• grieving the growth stages of her children and sensing her own role changing
• craving a life of her own beyond marriage and children
• grieving never having had children
• entering the empty nest or fearing an impending empty nest
• recognizing that many goals have been achieved--education, career, marriage, children, home ownership...and now experiencing a plateau resulting in a bored feeling
• experiencing marriage difficulties or disappointments
• navigating ongoing singleness
• dealing with a recent separation or divorce
• experiencing job loss or the inability to find work
• trying to restore a sputtering business and having financial fears
• parenting but having trouble with teens
• experiencing pain, illness, and general body aging issues
• dealing with unwanted weight gain
• coping with chronic stiff and sore muscles
• working through perimenopause; menopause and other hormonal imbalances that cause hot flashes, headaches and more
• feeling unhappy with her life evaluation
• wondering what's next and not finding answers
• feeling disappointed with life or people
• failing to have reached goals by a certain age
• facing ongoing fatigue
• lonely feeling unable to make close friends
• unrealistic expectations

Here are but a few reasons Christian women may have a midlife crisis:

• All the above, plus...
• Disappointment with God for not granting her heart's desires
• Difficulty hearing from God
• Difficulty accepting what God seems to allow
• Feeling she has some how spiritually failed her family
• Unanswered prayers, especially concerning her spouse or lack of spouse or children
• Lack of financial prosperity expected from God
• Unfulfilled ministry dreams
• Unanswered prayers regarding personal fulfillment
• Disillusionment with the church or other believers
• Spiritual attack--the devil's temptations of dissatisfaction and "greener grass" syndrome

WOMEN'S MID-LIFE CRISIS: The Good and the Bad

It may help a woman to talk with another woman about her struggles--preferably with one who can relate. (It's tough, though, to fess up to a woman who has no clue what you're talking about.)

You may try joining a Facebook group with women who seem to be in a similar phase, but sometimes even those groups go awry.  I encourage you to study and learn through books that will help walk you through your struggles.

The good is, midlife crisis feelings can cause a woman to draw closer to God as she goes on a quest for answers. The bad is without help, a woman may become stuck in thought patterns that lead her to spiral downward into depression. The bad is a woman may make drastic life decisions she may later regret.

For these reasons, it is important for a Christian woman to wage constant war on her moods and thoughts. Check out everything, and count the cost before taking any drastic steps.

A woman can be helped in battling troubling thoughts and feelings through the professional help of a physician, mental health therapist, or life coach.  

At that time, I also had a dog I took for regular walks. She and I had many adventures I now fondly look back on. I participated in a Mothers Who Pray group and worked with Korean women practicing conversational English. But all that time, I still wasn't settled. I wanted more. And God didn't open bigger doors. The doors I had were probably where he wanted me, but it was just too easy to discredit them. 

And I eventually was given an anti-depressant and signed on for counselling and more life coaching as I walked through my midlife crisis. 

I say in my eBook , a midlife crisis isn't something you SOLVE. It is something you walk through. 

What are You Looking for Help with? Midlife Crisis, Menopause, or Life Purpose?

 

(Re-write of 2014 article)

My theme here often and with my coaching tools is midlife crisis.  I realize by using that term, I ostracize many.  That's because either those in a crisis don't want to think in those terms, or readers simply are not in a crisis every day. Nevertheless, I am revamping previous blog posts and you will see many on midlife crisis in the future. 

It was recently pointed out to me I could write on menopause. Why?  Because I spent 10 years going through it! The phase before menopause is called perimenopause. It is complex. The changes it brings to the body and mind can be connected to midlife crisis feelings too.  

For a time, I didn't want to give midlife crisis or menopause any weight or make either a topic of focus, but since writing on it I've had many readers. There is a need to vulnerably cover these issues. These are real issues that many women, Christian or secular, want help for. 

There have been several challenges I've faced myself due to the change of life. I address some of it in my eBook.  What I do want to say is: if either of these topics is what brought you to this blog today, my advice to you is to--be patient with yourself, pamper yourself, be your own advocate, find help for troubling emotions, build a team of support around you as best you can and, basically, don't do anything drastic like sell all your possessions, have a meltdown at work, or leave your husband.

I also write on life purpose. That is a common search topic of midlife women. I trained as a life purpose coach--a process that takes a woman through a number of probing questions. You can find the handbook I used here. Each week, as her coach, I'd meet with my client by phone to hear her discoveries after she worked on one of the chapters.  The goal was to help her tie together life threads that would help her see who God made her to be and what mission he might want her to work on. 

In my eBook, I do talk somewhat about this theme as well.  After going through the coaching process with many women, I'm not sure how effective it was in helping them narrow down one life purpose. The idea of finding one big purpose is a little overblown, in my opinion. My interpretation is that life holds a variety of purposes for most women. I mean, for example, when a woman becomes a mom, there are a gazillion purposes in that role she will fulfill. But many women discount it looking for something with a title--something more fulfilling. That isn't to say a woman isn't also supposed to enjoy a career or ministry. She can. But it is her God-given gifts she uses in her job or ministry that are part of her purpose, not the job title itself.

And, of course, the Word of God points out our primary purpose: to love God and our neighbours.  

So the pursuit of life purpose, in my opinion, is very involved. And it changes depending on your life phase.   

How I Live My Purpose

For years, I wanted nothing more than to nail down one big purpose for myself. In 2007, I thought life coaching would be it. But I was disappointed. Instead, I poured myself into becoming a freelance web content writer. 

When I received a high-paying writing assignment one day, I felt the way I'd longed to feel for some time--being paid what I felt I was worth as a writer--confirmation of my calling.  It felt good.  But since I write freelance, once one assignment was done, I needed my next.  The feeling of living my purpose wasn't sustainable.  

So I want to caution women that they may not find the perfect answer about what their life purpose is.  Please, don't frustrate yourself looking for it. Instead, live each day in the place God has called you to. Do all for the glory of God and don't fret about wanting to do something more important. 

My life journey has been multi-directional.  Now, I ask God what he has on the agenda for me each day. My prayer is:

"Please direct me into what will be the best use of my time and energy." 

I say energy in that prayer because I'm very aware that I don't have the same physical energy I did when I was younger. I need to pace myself. And so I look to God to give me wisdom on a daily, minute-by-minute basis. 

That writing assignment was unexpected.  I didn't go hunting for it.  It found me. And it was a great surprise. Also over the last three years, I was involved in a confidential volunteer project. Again, it found me. And it was very fulfilling. 

 

But truth be told, it works against my personality to live this way--collecting manna day by day. But that's been how God's called me to live it seems.  It may very well be the way God wants you to live too--not finding one BIG answer, merely living out each challenging day as it's presented.

  Psalm 32:8- The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. 

I will advise you and watch over you." 

Do you believe it?

Proverbs  16:9— ”A man’s heart plans his way, 

but the Lord directs his steps."

Have you experienced this?

Proverbs  1:33 declares- 

“But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil.”

Do you want this for yourself?

Midlife Woes of Many Women

(rewrite of 2012 article) 

I was reading a book that had a chapter on Menopause. It could have equally been entitled, MidLife Crisis and Women.

A woman described her story something like this [revised slightly]: 

...I had hot flashes at inconvenient times. I always felt like I needed to announce them, but my husband really didn't want to know. But I wanted him to know because we're close in age and I wanted to go through this together! After all, if my fertility were drying up, shouldn't he be aware of it? Isn't it the end of "our" fertility?

...I noticed new wrinkles on my face and a double chin. I needed to color my hair more often. No matter how hard I exercised I continued to gain weight, and I hated my reflection. I wanted to look great at my daughter's high school graduation, but I felt frumpy and self-conscious. I wanted my husband to be attracted to me, but he was getting really lousy (or lazy) about giving me compliments--when I needed them most..."

MIDLIFE WOES

Many women in midlife women have issues common to these. Many of the issues are rooted in physical changes but those issues can affect emotional well-being too.

These topics of midlife crisis and menopause are rarely addressed in Christian circles, the workplace, or in family circles. Everyone seems to like to pretend everything in their world is perfect. They have no issues that anyone else needs to know about. 

If a woman seems off balance, she may look for other reasons to explain it away rather than consider the role perimenopause or menopause is playing. (*Pay attention, especially if you are in the age 45 to 55 range.) 

Symptoms of Peri-Menopause and Menopause 

Not every woman deals with midlife challenges. My 85-year-old mother-in-law said she had none when she went through menopause. "Poof, one day it was just different" is how I recall her explaining it. Either that is true or her memory waned. I'm sure in her day, menopause wasn't talked about either so maybe she was simply unaware. 

But for those who do get symptoms, the challenges are real. I had excessive bleeding at times. One sneeze during a period and I'd have to change my clothes. I had what I described as a 'new kind of depression'. It didn't fit the criteria doctors used in diagnosis. I could mark it on a calendar though. It lasted a couple weeks and arrived AFTER a period. I strongly felt it was hormonally related. However my doctor did no hormone testing and disagreed with my suggestion that HRT might fix it. It took me more episodes of depression to push me to make an appointment to discuss depression and nothing else (doctors where I live require the purpose of appointments to be specific). I finally declared to the doctor I was depressed. She put me on medication and gave me the name of a therapist as she believed it best to have both kinds of support. Her therapist was overbooked and I could not get in, so I searched for one on my own (not an easy process). 

Weight gain is common in this phase for many. Some women need more sleep. Others struggle with chronic insomnia that affects the quality of their work day.  Some midlife women are dominated by hot flashes or menopausal migraine headaches. 

My Hot Flash Story 

I purchased cool sheets. I suggest Serta Coolmax Sheets.  I put an ice pack under my pillow so when I was hot I could flip the pillow over and find relief as the underside would be cold on my face. I kept a fan in my bedroom. Later, we added a window air conditioner since the house cooling system didn't reach our bedroom as well as I needed it to. 

At one appointment, I sat on the doctor's table in a hospital gown to discuss my hot flashes. By the end of the examination, the tissue she'd laid down on the table was stuck to me--soaked in sweat--proof I was ready for hormonal replacement therapy (HRT). I went on HRT to get me over the 'hump' at that time, and the hot flashes and night sweats resolved IMMEDIATELY. 

The symptoms of perimenopause, menopause or midlife appear at various ages for different women and can go on for years. Many reach full menopause in their early 50s, but I didn't reach it until I was 56. 

FIND HELP AND ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER

When the Bible suggests encouraging one another or helping those who are struggling, things like menopause and mid-life crisis are rarely what come to mind. But these REAL LIFE issues can be included. When women share their feelings, struggles, and most of all, solutions, they help each other.

There probably is no one-fits-all solution. Some women are relieved by anti-depressants or HRT (hormone replacement therapy), while others refuse to try anything--sometimes because of family history health reasons or simply fear. Most women prefer to manage their symptoms on their own. 

The problem with not understanding what perimenopause can do to a woman's well-being is how it can affect her life choices. For instance, some women dealing with new depression blame their feelings on their spouse, being married, their job, or lack of career, and set out to make drastic changes.

They may consider separation, divorce, leaving their job, or having an affair. They crave change, but they can't always put their finger on what that change needs to be. If not carefully investigated, a woman may make life choices that she'll one day regret. 

For sure, midlife flings a woman into a phase of life evaluation. The working woman evaluates her life as does the homemaker. It's not easy in one article to explain the complaints or the solutions. But one thing I will share since this is a Christian blog, is how imperative it is that a woman become mindful of the devil's playground she may find herself in during midlife. When a woman is in a vulnerable phase of life, it's easy for Satan to use the opportunity to confuse her. He'd love nothing more than to break her family apart. He'd love for her to spout angry words that make her husband want to leave her. He'd love to keep her down with depression. He'd love to make her lose hope.  So, my dear midlife friend, stay on guard. Don't let the devil make your life any more complicated than it is. He is the father of lies and it's important to stay alert. 

Here is an article that outlines some of the lies Satan tells humans. 

In the meantime, I'm glad you found my blog post. Here are some guidelines that may help you during this midlife, perimenopausal, and post-menopause phase. 

Tips

Find another woman to share your struggles with. Gather professionals around you to provide guidance.

• There are solutions for hot flashes/night sweats when or if they get intolerable, speak to your doctor.
• Therapy when depressed can be very helpful, don't dismiss it.
• Don't be afraid of trying anti-depressant medication if your brain chemistry is the root of many or your issues. Life is too short to live it depressed. 
• Do current research on HRT. There is much that debunks former fears. Talk to others on HRT and hear their thoughts.
• Seek the help of a life coach for specific areas you'd like to have help with. 
• Pick up some good resources: online articles, books, and so on. 
• Look for opportunities to meet in groups with other women--maybe church groups, exercise circles, and so on. 
• Cast your cares on God. Journal your thoughts. Trust he has a plan for you beyond midlife.

  

A Possible Life Map to Help Your Midlife Journey

Are you looking for ways to reboot your post-pandemic life as a midlife woman? Do you feel everything has changed? Or are you in a rut and crave change?

If so, you're not imagining it and you're not alone. The pandemic changed the way many of us do life. And midlife demands change. But one thing has not changed. God still promises to lead and guide us. 

For myself in the pandemic, relationships were cut off. My gym routine ceased (I now exercise at home mostly or the local YMCA via drop-in payments). I hadn't been to church for three years in person. 

I am an introvert and worked from home most of my life so staying home seemed easy to me. But I did eventually miss the connection with "real live people" as opposed to those on social media. 

Fortunately (can you believe I'd say that?), my husband and I were diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.  And that led to another new way of living. We cut sugar out of our diet. We started medication. And then, my husband and I signed up for the YMCA's Diabetes Fit program. Their first in-person program since the pandemic would be in Spring 2022. It was perfect timing for us as I had felt my world shriveling. 

The program was covered by Sun Life Insurance and was free to us. Many of us still masked up because having diabetes meant we were in a high-risk category. But participating in that weekly program was our first time being in a group setting again since 2020 and it felt good. I felt the mental health benefits immediately. And the new exercise regime sparked us to focus on fitness again.

Artwork by Rosalie Garde

"Do not despise these small beginnings, 

for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..." Zechariah 4:10 NLT

What Else Do I Do Lord?

And as I sought other in-person outlets, there were few. Most activities were being held online. And so I committed my need for new stimulation to God. 

I had also been praying for several years to find a church with afternoon or evening service times due to my inability to do mornings.  (Every church in my city has 9 am 10:30 or 11 am service times.)  

And then, it happened. God answered my prayer for a church with an afternoon time! After 3 years of wandering through online services, I ventured out alone to a new church with a 3 pm service time--one God had set out just for me. 

I tried not to over-examine the new church as most of us do, I simply attended to feed my soul and nurture my spirit. 

God Said "Be a Rebel"

I had spent the summer enjoying the warm weather. I focused on caring for my property and my love of the outdoors.

But in the evenings, the gap was there again--a longing to be a part of something bigger. And so I spent late-night hours searching online for options. (We are a people of unrest.) 

And amid this chronic searching, the Lord said: Here's what you're to do. Rest and Recover (my body was chronically achy from all my gardening). 

Enjoy life. Be present rather than scurry through life. Experiment to keep yourself inspired. Learn new things. 

When I looked at the first letters of each of these words, I saw the acronym REBEL. And so I created this as a life-map. 

I know this life map won't suit every woman as our midlife journeys vary. But could this Be a REBEL life map help you right now? 

Navigating Midlife Transitions by Knowing Who You Are

Midlife is a transformative phase for every woman, characterized by its own set of challenges and desires. In this blog post, we'll explore the key aspects of this journey and offer guidance specifically tailored for Christian women who may feel stuck in a rut during this crucial life stage.

Understanding Midlife

Midlife typically occurs between the ages of 45 and 52, but individual experiences vary. Some women, during that phase, find themselves battling low moods and symptoms of perimenopause. Many women in that phase begin to re-evaluate their life. A midlife crisis might begin for some--a type of rut they don't know how to get out of. Often looking back at the past is involved, yet it's equally about uncertainty of the future.

Discovering What You Seek:

Many Christian women in midlife long for change. They may feel a sense of monotony or yearn for new mental stimulation.

Shifting priorities as children grow or leave home can leave them feeling overlooked or unsure of where they fit into life.

Some women miss the vitality of youth, the thrill of new beginnings, or the pursuit of passion, either romantically or in their careers.

Others grapple with unfulfilled dreams, leading to feelings of disappointment and sadness.

The quest for meaning and fulfillment is a common thread amongst midlife women, yet some still find themselves lost and uncertain about where to begin. 

If any of this describes you, don't worry. What you're feeling is normal. It's a life transition phase. What you need to do is walk through it with faith. 

Build a support team. Mine included my family doctor, a mental health therapist, online friends, and multiple resources I could turn to including many books and articles. 

Overcoming Midlife Challenges

Three common challenges can be explored to help a woman make sense of midlife crisis feelings:

a. Rehearsing the Past: I acknowledge the allure of nostalgia but stress the importance of looking forward to new opportunities rather than longing for bygone days aligning your thoughts and choices with the wisdom found in the Bible. Philippians 3:13 gives us great advice. It says to forget what is in the past and reach out or look forward to what lies ahead. 

Cherish past memories, don't cling to them. God is doing a new thing in your life now. 

b. Gaining Perspective: Committing your way to God and trusting His guidance is crucial. You need not have all the answers; living in the present moment and seeking divine guidance daily can pave the way.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

c. Understanding Your Personality Traits: Personality plays a significant role in midlife experiences. Embracing your unique traits, whether introverted, extroverted, or otherwise, is essential. It's time to know who you are and accept who you are, rather than seeking to change your basic traits. 

Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” 

Society's expectations should not dictate your self-worth. Be yourself with a focus on having a Christ-like character. The Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:22-23 suggests these traits: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.” These apply to introverts, extroverts, loners, and social butterflies. 

A Self-Exploration Exercise:

I invite you to reflect on your personality style, whether you're an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between. Identify any external pressures that have shaped your self-perception that it's time to let go of.

Question: What self-talk is it time to let go of?

Answer: _______________________________

Assess what aspects of yourself you should embrace without guilt. 

Question: What is a trait I have that I should embrace? 

Answer: _______________________________

Stop Trying to Fix Yourself:

There are so many voices out there calling us (mostly in social media) to fix ourselves. And while therapy is good, instead of digging for what we need to fix, maybe it's time to look at what we do well. Maybe there is nothing wrong with our life. Maybe we are exactly where God wants us. 

Appreciating how God made you and what he has given you will give you more confidence.

Based on what you know about your values, passions, beliefs, and gifts, think carefully about what you should say "yes" to. Decline what doesn't fit you. 

When you start to look back into the past, switch the dialogue in your head.  

Invite God into each day. Let him go to work for you.

Conclusion:

Your midlife journey as a Christian woman is a unique and deeply personal experience. You can navigate transitions with grace and purpose by understanding the challenges and desires specific to this life phase, embracing your personality, and seeking guidance from your faith. 

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. It is helpful to foster a community of support and encouragement as we all journey through midlife and beyond together.

What is Midlife? What are Midlife Challenges?

 

WHAT IS MIDLIFE?

I have defined midlife as: taking your life expectancy and cutting the number in half. 

i.e. if you plan to live to 95, 

midlife for you would be 47.5 years of age. 

But the challenges of midlife can affect women of much lower or higher ages.  Perimenopause, for example, can span ten years. For myself, it spanned from about age 45 to 55 with my midlife crisis in the middle of that. 

And the challenges a woman faces may be more life-phase-specific than age-specific. For those of us who are moms, we had our children at different ages, so our phases of dealing with adult children or nest-emptying varies. 

I'd like my readers to know, that it's not uncommon for a significant portion of women to face challenges during this life phase. Individual experiences are influenced by a multitude of factors, including personal circumstances, cultural background, socioeconomic status, and more.

If you feel yourself struggling, I want you to know your struggles are NORMAL! You have not missed out. God has not forgotten you. You are not a failure. 

A Photo of Mt. Peter & Mt. Paul, Kamloops, BC
where we lived for a few years.

I have learned that life is full of phases--lows and highs, bad and good, despair and hope, uphill climbs and plateaus. And as far as a woman living out her calling, there is not just ONE PATH. It's a winding journey with puddles and rocks to navigate. But if your heart is right with God and your desire is to be the person he has created you to be, he will surely lead you where he wants you to go. And every now and then you need to ask yourself if you truly believe you are where he has placed you. 

In my midlife crisis, I would apply for jobs--desperate to find something to break out of my suffocation. One morning, as my young daughter was getting ready for school, I shared with her that I had a job interview scheduled for that day. Without hesitation, she looked up at me with her innocent eyes and said, 'I'll pray for you.' It was a simple yet powerful gesture that touched my heart deeply.

As I left for the interview, her words lingered in my mind. Now, I didn't want to disappoint her. I didn't want her to feel sorry for her momma either.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the job. I couldn't help but wonder if she would be disappointed.

Reflecting on that moment, I realize the true beauty in her response. She saw me. She had compassion. Her words were a genuine expression of support and care. This is the stuff legacies are made of, for where did she learn that?

God didn't unroll a red carpet leading me to the perfect out-of-the-home job where I'd feel the fulfillment I assumed was missing. And I instantly didn't love my life. I had much still to work through. 

In retrospect, I believe the challenge for all women has to do with their mindset which has to do with learning to be content whether we get a new job or not. 

No, God may not bless you with that perfect little part-time job or that big important title and promotion you crave. Many of us have heart longings of this nature that are never fully met. And we can strive and kick and scream and have a pity party, but if we truly trust God, we will consider what he wants us to learn and what next step he might want us to take. 

I get why the Apostle Paul said he could be content in any circumstance, it was because he had a remarkable mindset. Changing our mindset takes a lot of hard work, but it really is the difference between feeling less than and appreciating the life we've been given.

While changing one's mindset is not a cure-all for complex issues such as depression--which is often the basis of a midlife crisis--it can be a powerful tool in helping us manage and cope.

As you uncover your unique offering--what you bring to the world's table--you will discover there are many ways to express yourself in ways God intends you to whether through paid or unpaid means. 

One way to look at your life is to consider all you do is your job! How you want to show up to work is up to you. 

In the working world, we hear a lot about soft skills. It is often these soft skills God wants us to develop and use the most. 

Here are but a few to develop and use in midlife in ways that will touch the world around you: 

1. Develop your character

2. Develop patience

3. Show compassion

4. Show you care

5. Make ethical choices

6. Respect the environment

7. Show empathy and support to others

8. Do all you do as until the Lord

9. Be a generous giver

10. Forgive quickly

11. Develop your skills and talents

12. Live a moral life

13. Set strong boundaries

14. Be a Christian role model

15. Stay strong in your faith

16. Let yourself have fun

17.