My name is Rosalie (Rose) Garde.
I am a certified life coach and professional freelance writer. I've been married for over 30 years and have two adult children.
My gifts are in creative communication
and encouragement.
These blog posts are an extension of my 2006 calling to become a certified Life Purpose Coach® and paid web content writer in 2010.
WHAT IS MIDLIFE?
I have defined midlife as: taking your life expectancy and cutting the number in half.
i.e. if you plan to live to 95,
midlife for you would be 47.5 years of age.
But the challenges of midlife can affect women of much lower or higher ages. Perimenopause, for example, can span a ten-year period. For myself, it spanned from about age 45 to 55 with my midlife crisis in the middle of that.
And the challenges a woman
faces may be more life-phase
specific than age-specific. For those of us who are moms, we had our children at different ages, so our phases of dealing with adult children
or nest-emptying varies.
I'd like my readers to know, your struggles are NORMAL! You have not missed out. God has not forgotten you. You are not a failure. It's not too late for a new start.
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| A Photo of Mt. Peter & Mt. Paul, Kamloops, BC where we lived for a few years. |
I have learned that life is full of phases--lows and highs, bad and good, despair and hope, uphill climbs and plateaus. And as far as a woman living out her calling, there is not just ONE PATH. It's a winding journey with puddles and rocks to navigate over. But if your heart is right with God and your desire is to be the person he has created you to be, he will surely lead you where he wants you to go.
As you uncover your unique offering--what you bring to the world's table, you will discover there are many ways to express yourself in ways God intends you to.
Your passions, experiences, and abilities when worked on, developed, and shared will combine to assist you in making a difference in the world.
My prayer is that my coaching through writing this blog and Amazon ebooks will bring you much-needed perspective on where you are and greater clarity and hope for your forward momentum.
Email: rjofficejob@gmail.com
and self-coaching website Design Your MTR
Midlife Collage is looking for submissions in our free-entry contests. We run weekly, online writing contests for a cash prize at midlifecollage.com. Perhaps you would be eligible and interested in submitting a short story. Please see our Submissions page for the guidelines and contest rules. Go to our Calendar page and watch the short videos for topic ideas. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Donna. I'm a freelance writer and sell articles usually, so unless I submitted for business promotion or to be charitable I can't see doing it any time soon.
DeleteI'll try to check your site for more information when/if my schedule eases up.
Thanks for visiting the blog!
I have just spent an hour reading lots of the articles here, and I feel such a sense of relief. I am not a 56-year-old weakling or weirdo. I have been trying so hard to remain a "cheerful giver" in the face of my recent retirement from a stressful job with special needs children, the extra work created by a grown son living at home to save money while getting a demanding teaching career off the ground, the draining and unpredictable needs of my elderly, early-stage dementia father for whom I am the primary caregiver, ( he lives alone nearby ), a workaholic husband, my daughter(my best friend) living half a country away with her husband during his medical training, and, in the past two years, the death of a beloved sister I helped to care for, the death of my 98-year-old mother-in-law with whom my husband was preoccupied for the ten years of her widowhood, the work of readying her house for sale, making renovations in our home to help it sell in a few years, caring for the family dog through a recent hospitalization and illness, aching for and supporting friends hurting from various unwelcome mid-life changes, finding myself a church home as I converted from Roman Catholicism to Protestantism and then feeling a need to search again a few months ago. Whew!! Thank you, Rosalie, for all the wisdom, empathy and helpful advice you have shared here. I will, I am sure, be a frequent visitor here, as I try to keep my (hopefully smiling) head above water in the face of weariness, sadness a definite lack of fun, and uncertainty about the future. I look forward to your e-book. May God richly bless you. Michelle in Massachusetts
ReplyDeleteAwe, I can't believe, Michelle, you thought you might be weak or weird. That is quite a resume of activities! Enough to wear anyone down.
DeleteIt is so great to have feedback such as yours. I'm glad you found a sense of relief from my writings.
I think in this life stage the greatest gifts we can give ourselves include giving up our perfectionism, trusting God has us where he wants us and that he will help our family members in his way, looking to him daily for strength, and inviting God to organize our schedule so it's doable. He can do amazing things when we give it over to him instead of fretting or complaining.
Set your boundaries, Michelle, and do some self-care. I'm sure you are a blessing to others.
I will pray that you will be able to reframe "fun" and get a taste of it again.
Up since 4:30am comforted by Gods presence and your blog. Despite feeling like I have been in a state of confusion for about a year and a half, I keep finding little nuggets of joy, clarity and rest. I have learned to be alright with the confusion about who I am, what God is moving around in my life, my career and my purpose, because it's God sent. Your blog was where he led me today,(very thankful).
ReplyDeleteJennifer, thanks so much for your feedback. I was just working on the eBook tonight so this is valuable encouragement.
DeleteFunny, but your story reminds me much of mine. My midlife crisis peaked in the wee hours of the morning several years ago, and I made my way down to my computer where I searched the internet for help. I wonder what women did before the internete?
What you have described is similar, confusion with nuggets of goodness thrown in. The idea you have learned to be all right with the confusion is a good sign, and especially choosing to believe God is in control. We are told to learn to be content and that is hugely comforting. Also what is normal for you is unique for you. Many of us have to learn to manage what comes our way, not just try to get rid of it. May God shower his peace on you yet again and lead you exactly where he needs you.
ok so here I am in Mexico starting a new life as a missionaries wife (not knowing Spanish yet), 6mos after my youngest graduated and went in the Marines. my mid child just hit the streets as a police officer after just returning from Afghanistan in the Army and my unmarried daughter is in school and working full time on her own. and to top it off I lost custody of a baby God daughter I got when she was 5 days old (I had her for 20 months) her Mom tricked the courts and refuses to let me be apart of her life.( did I mention she was a high school best friend, I feel totally used and betrayed). so now I am in Mexico to bring Hope! whatever , not feeling to hopeful right now and I am taking it out on my husband. that is why I am looking up this article I don't know who I am and what I am doing. I am 45 and my body is changing and my outlook on life. My relationship with God doesn't even feel the same. Help!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for contacting me. It seems you are in a time of great transition. I think it's interesting you say you are a missionary's wife rather than refer to yourself as a missionary. Was it a mutual decision?
ReplyDeleteIn any event, I'm sure you already realize you have many things going on that represent loss which will require some grieving. Yes you are happy for your children, but I'm sure you have moments where you miss them and also this baby you have bonded with for 20 months. Recognize that grieving is a healthy way to process feelings and allow yourself to do so in a way that works for you. We tend to need to say goodbye to some things before we are ready to embrace all God has in store for us next.
Another transition is that you have moved. Moving to a new place can be very hard for us women. I've done it a few times, and yes, it's common to fight with a spouse because he's all you have that's familiar. It's like getting cabin fever.
With the language barrier, you have yet another issue. Then you mention your body changing indicating you may be in perimenopause.
Let me throw out a few suggestions. You may want to look for a life coach to partner with so you at least have another advocate besides your spouse. Most work by phone or email. I don't have free long distance to Mexico, nor do I have a referral to offer unfortunately. I can offer email coaching, but you may do better with having a voice-to-voice meeting.
Related to the aspect of moving, I suggest you connect with Susan Miller's ministry "Just Moved" http://just-moved.org/. She offers email devotionals which are helpful and her book "After the Boxes are Unpacked" is also helpful.
Please do peruse the other blog posts here that may help you. My eBook is also advertised in the top corner. It talks about grieving transitions and perimenopause.
The good news is you are sensing something needs tweaking and you are looking for help. You will be your own best advocate if you commit to walking this journey using whatever resources you will find helpful. No matter how you feel about God right now, ask him to walk with you. He is watching you and wants to guide you.
Katie Brazelton's book "Pathway to Purpose for Women" and the coaching book "Conversation on Purpose for Women" are helpful tools for finding yourself. It is good to go through these with a friend or a life coach. I can't promise you will find a new friend quickly in your new location to work with. It may be worth your while to contact an old friend long-distance friend who will go through the book with you. You will can also work with a coach from Life Purpose Coaching Centers International who will go through the book with you.
I'm so glad you found my page and reached out. Feedback like yours is essential to my work as well. Let me know if I can assist you further.
Hi there. So glad I found your blog. I am 54 years old and recently had to flee my marriage and come back home (across the US) due to my husband relapsing into drugs. We had a full-time ministry that collapsed completely due to this situation. The past few years have been filled with transition, stress and conflict and I am exhausted. This was the first Christmas I spent alone. I have found an apartment and got a low-paying job right away but am having a terrible time making ends meet already and the future looks so bleak. Am a writer, artist, musician and speaker yet feel like I have no purpose or value. Dealing with many rejection and abandonment issues not just with people but with God. Thank you for your blog and your writing. May become a great encouragement to me. I sure need it!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry to hear of the crisis you find yourself in. It makes sense you would feel exhausted. I'm sure spending Christmas alone was challenging. I'm glad you've found an apartment and a job as some women in midlife find it very hard to find a job.
DeleteI would encourage you to take care of yourself and allow yourself to work through your grief and try to live in the present. That is, don't look too far into the past or into the future because doing so will be sure to trap you. Cast your care upon God for he still cares for you. He knows what you're going through and sees every tear you've cried.
I urge you not to give into the lie that you have no purpose or value. That you have identified your gifts and talents is excellent. You can be sure God will use them again. For now, put down expectations. Give it all to God. Let him lead you.
I would encourage you, when feeling tempted into doubt, despair, or feelings of rejection, to pray a simple prayer that goes like this:
"Lord Jesus, I'm being tempted by the enemy to feel these things, please intervene, for I cannot find my way out without you."
I urge you to see those feelings as just that feelings and not let the enemy grow them into lies.
I pray God will lift you up and put you where he wants you. I pray God will reveal his love to you again this very week.
Thanks for contacting me. I do hope something I've written in my blog does help you make sense of what you're going through.
Hi there! Am so glad I found your blog. Am 54 years old and recently had to flee my marriage due to my husband relapsing into drugs. Had to come home (across the US) and have secured a low-paying job and an apartment but am exhausted and lonely. The past several years have been nothing but constant transition, conflict and stress. This was the first Christmas I had to spend alone and it was very difficult. We had a full-time ministry that collapsed completely due to the situation at hand as well. I am a writer, musician, speaker and artist yet feel I have nothing to offer anymore. I feel empty and dried up and can't even begin to be hopeful about the future. Thank you for your blog. It will become a great source of encouragement to me, I'm certain of it. :)
ReplyDeleteWith regard to feeling empty and dried up, I suggest you talk to your doctor to ensure there isn't a physical issue affecting how you're feeling. Some women hit menopause around that age and the changing hormones can still affect a mood. It's hard to made big decisions if you are under mental exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteI want to assure you that other midlife women have felt as you do--lacking in hope. Midlife is something we journey through. Keep taking one step at a time and look after yourself. I pray God will restore your hope. In the meantime, don't be hard on yourself. Seeing a counsellor at this time may be of help to you.