What is Midlife? What are Midlife Challenges?

 

WHAT IS MIDLIFE?

I have defined midlife as: taking your life expectancy and cutting the number in half. 

i.e. if you plan to live to 95, 

midlife for you would be 47.5 years of age. 

But the challenges of midlife can affect women of much lower or higher ages.  Perimenopause, for example, can span ten years. For myself, it spanned from about age 45 to 55 with my midlife crisis in the middle of that. 

And the challenges a woman faces may be more life-phase-specific than age-specific. For those of us who are moms, we had our children at different ages, so our phases of dealing with adult children or nest-emptying varies. 

I'd like my readers to know, that it's not uncommon for a significant portion of women to face challenges during this life phase. Individual experiences are influenced by a multitude of factors, including personal circumstances, cultural background, socioeconomic status, and more.

If you feel yourself struggling, I want you to know your struggles are NORMAL! You have not missed out. God has not forgotten you. You are not a failure. 

A Photo of Mt. Peter & Mt. Paul, Kamloops, BC
where we lived for a few years.

I have learned that life is full of phases--lows and highs, bad and good, despair and hope, uphill climbs and plateaus. And as far as a woman living out her calling, there is not just ONE PATH. It's a winding journey with puddles and rocks to navigate. But if your heart is right with God and your desire is to be the person he has created you to be, he will surely lead you where he wants you to go. And every now and then you need to ask yourself if you truly believe you are where he has placed you. 

In my midlife crisis, I would apply for jobs--desperate to find something to break out of my suffocation. One morning, as my young daughter was getting ready for school, I shared with her that I had a job interview scheduled for that day. Without hesitation, she looked up at me with her innocent eyes and said, 'I'll pray for you.' It was a simple yet powerful gesture that touched my heart deeply.

As I left for the interview, her words lingered in my mind. Now, I didn't want to disappoint her. I didn't want her to feel sorry for her momma either.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the job. I couldn't help but wonder if she would be disappointed.

Reflecting on that moment, I realize the true beauty in her response. She saw me. She had compassion. Her words were a genuine expression of support and care. This is the stuff legacies are made of, for where did she learn that?

God didn't unroll a red carpet leading me to the perfect out-of-the-home job where I'd feel the fulfillment I assumed was missing. And I instantly didn't love my life. I had much still to work through. 

In retrospect, I believe the challenge for all women has to do with their mindset which has to do with learning to be content whether we get a new job or not. 

No, God may not bless you with that perfect little part-time job or that big important title and promotion you crave. Many of us have heart longings of this nature that are never fully met. And we can strive and kick and scream and have a pity party, but if we truly trust God, we will consider what he wants us to learn and what next step he might want us to take. 

I get why the Apostle Paul said he could be content in any circumstance, it was because he had a remarkable mindset. Changing our mindset takes a lot of hard work, but it really is the difference between feeling less than and appreciating the life we've been given.

While changing one's mindset is not a cure-all for complex issues such as depression--which is often the basis of a midlife crisis--it can be a powerful tool in helping us manage and cope.

As you uncover your unique offering--what you bring to the world's table--you will discover there are many ways to express yourself in ways God intends you to whether through paid or unpaid means. 

One way to look at your life is to consider all you do is your job! How you want to show up to work is up to you. 

In the working world, we hear a lot about soft skills. It is often these soft skills God wants us to develop and use the most. 

Here are but a few to develop and use in midlife in ways that will touch the world around you: 

1. Develop your character

2. Develop patience

3. Show compassion

4. Show you care

5. Make ethical choices

6. Respect the environment

7. Show empathy and support to others

8. Do all you do as until the Lord

9. Be a generous giver

10. Forgive quickly

11. Develop your skills and talents

12. Live a moral life

13. Set strong boundaries

14. Be a Christian role model

15. Stay strong in your faith

16. Let yourself have fun

17. 
    

Midlife Blog Reboot

Several years ago now, mid-2000s, I came upon the career and calling called Life Coaching. I was clearly in midlife at the time and so desperate for something new and inspiring.

As a Christian woman, I saw how adding in Christian values could make the coaching process so much more successful for anyone being coached. I was ecstatic that I'd finally found 'my thing'. And so I paid the tuition to enrol in the training, went through extensive coaching for myself, carried out required probono work to become certified, and then coached many clients across North America by telephone. 

But my midlife angst wasn't satisfied. In between clients, there was nothing to do. So I went out and found a job in an office--something I'd done before leaving the workforce to raise my children. 

I had always promised myself to return to the workforce. I missed it. Prior to having children, I could think of no other life. But finding my way back was hard. I applied to umpteen jobs, which of course meant umpteen rejections. I had several interviews, and was smacked in the face at what I hoped to hide but couldn't--that I'd been out of the workforce for at least 10 years by then. 

Ageism is real. I was in my mid-forties. One employer rudely joked that my experience was 10-years old. But he offered me the position anyway--for low pay--lower than the minimum wage here in Canada, and I took it. 

And I saw how in a mere 10-years things had changed. I'd stayed updated on Microsoft products and my typing speed was still very high, but it was the way business was done that was disappointing. No one talked to each other. People dressed casually--something I didn't know how to do. And most employees kept their offices paperless. 

Added to these changes, I was expected to learn a complicated accounting system, answer incoming calls, draft legal documents, and make outgoing accounts receivable calls. All for $10 an hour - a third of what I was paid before leaving the workforce. 

For a short time, I had new self-esteem. I can't pinpoint why exactly apart from getting a paycheck finally and getting out of the house. But my hours were within the children's school day hours and they'd never see me leave for work or come home. Neither would my husband, so even my own family didn't cheer me on as I'd hoped. 

I wanted to make it work and took notebooks home to try to understand the complex system. But I suffered with stress headaches and felt confused. And then I quit. 

Art Doodle by Rosalie Garde

Once I returned to the homefront, when I couldn't obtain another part-time job, I took on several work-from-home jobs and volunteer roles, and finally became a freelance writer--a dream I had since in my twenties. 

And for what I might do with my coach training and ministry focus, it made sense to combine my love of writing with life coaching. But I would not coach clients one-on-one, instead, I would make and sell self-coaching tools--ebooks, if you will, where a woman could prompt herself, go on her own journey, gain insight, and grow out of her rut.  

Life Coaching is a tool many women 
use today to gain 
direction, support, and accountability, 
so  they can move forward. 

Art table, Rosalie Garde

And then I had an epiphany about midlife in my late 40s. I was in a long period of perimenopause and all its challenges. I became severely depressed, isolated, lonely, and lacking stimulation. I googled the term 'midlife crisis' and my eyes were opened. But I saw a glaring gap in writings for Christian women facing a midlife crisis. Sometimes, knowing Jesus is not enough!

I desperately wanted answers for how to get out of my rut and wanted a Christian point of view. 

God knew about my struggles but I needed more help. I finally was brave enough to tell my family doctor I was depressed. And with the medication she prescribed required I sign on with a mental health therapist. 

Part of my epiphany was that perhaps many of the women I had coached had been in a midlife crisis too. And, for me, putting a label on the problem helped. 

So, with more research and revelation, I wrote a self-coaching tool with them in mind. 

16 Essential Steps to Help You Walk Through Your Midlife Crisis: A Self-Coaching Tool for Midlife Christian Women (Self-Coaching Tools for Midlife Christian Women Book 

Fast Forward 

I started this blog way back then too but eventually grew bored especially once I moved beyond midlife. 

From 2021 until recently, I was involved in another special project. It was engrossing and exciting. The work was confidential so I can't share about it. And now that project is being put to rest, and here I am again wondering about my next step. 

I haven't quite heard from God about the full plan of what I'll do now that I'm semi-retired from my work-from-home projects, but I have decided to put my former blog posts into draft with the intention that I'll write fresh posts or rewrite those I still agree with. 

The first old post I decided to review had this list of possible topics that I may cover going forward.

          

POSSIBLE TOPICS:

• Enjoying the Present and Finding Purpose

• Thriving as a Stay-at-Home Mom or Homemaker

• Seasons of a Woman's Life

• From Motherhood to Menopause

• Managing Wellness

• Mid-Life Challenges

• Moving Forward on Dreams and Goals 

• Removing the Clutter from your Mind or Even Your Home

• Strongholds, Wrong Beliefs, and God's Input
  
  
  

I hope you will join with me on this next phase of my journey whether you're in midlife, having a midlife crisis, having a great life you want to tweak, or if you are now beyond the midlife age as I am. 

I have a lot to write about! 

Celebrate the Past, Then Move Forward

Write a New Life Chapter

I'm working on a book for stay-at-home moms. While writing, I've been remembering a lot--mostly the negatives--the part about giving up a career and my inner turmoil of choosing to leave the workforce and the constant questioning I did, as well as the loneliness and loss of self-esteem. 

My writing touched that deep part of me. I was tempted to take what I'd written to my bedroom to journal my feelings and to ask God about them. That would require looking back. It would be like grieving about the lonely and angry parts. 

Sometimes, it is helpful to deal with undercurrents of pain or habits. Sometimes working with a counsellor requires such. 

But then I watched Joyce Meyer's Today's Show as I usually do. In it she reminded me there is little value in looking back, reliving the past, or spending too much time grieving. She talked about the Israelites being given 30 days to mourn for Moses before being required to get up again and move forward. 

During her talk, I began to wonder why I had wanted to look back with complaint about what I didn't like about being a stay-at-home mom. Maybe I liked the emotional feeling I would get. I've heard some people are addicted to feeling low and tearfulness. 

I know very well that we must put the past behind us. We can't change it. We can come to terms with it. If we're smart, we will even celebrate it. Be proud of it. 

Today at the gym, my friend brought her four-year-old grand-daughter. She was sucking a ring pop. It reminded me of when I bought my own kids ring pops. Seeing my friend buckle her grandchild into the car reminded me of the oh so many times I did that with my own children. And, in that moment, I was thankful that I was an at-home mom and got to live out so many moments with my kids I will never get back. 

Today I am focusing on how blessed I was and choosing to not go back and grieve the hard times. I am ready to celebrate the past and move forward yet again. 

New eBook for Christian Women in Midlife Crisis

NEW BOOK AVAILABLE:

I've wanted to get this eBook for Christian women in midlife crisis into your hands as soon as I could. 

Putting it together ended up being a long process.

Nevertheless, it's loaded now on Amazon.  It is in eBook form, but can be viewed on any computer screen as well as a Kindle, IPhone, or Ipad.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JLMVS4U

The book will look at the author's own midlife crisis and journey but is written to guide you through yours.

It covers common dilemmas of midlife, conclusions about how to handle the dilemmas, and suggests steps to implement to help you make sense of your journey and come through the other side.