Midlife Blog Reboot

Several years ago now, mid-2000s, I came upon the career and calling called Life Coaching. I was clearly in midlife at the time and so desperate for something new and inspiring.

As a Christian woman, I saw how adding in Christian values could make the coaching process so much more successful for anyone being coached. I was ecstatic that I'd finally found 'my thing'. And so I paid the tuition to enrol in the training, went through extensive coaching for myself, carried out required probono work to become certified, and then coached many clients across North America by telephone. 

But my midlife angst wasn't satisfied. In between clients, there was nothing to do. So I went out and found a job in an office--something I'd done before leaving the workforce to raise my children. 

I had always promised myself to return to the workforce. I missed it. Prior to having children, I could think of no other life. But finding my way back was hard. I applied to umpteen jobs, which of course meant umpteen rejections. I had several interviews, and was smacked in the face at what I hoped to hide but couldn't--that I'd been out of the workforce for at least 10 years by then. 

Ageism is real. I was in my mid-forties. One employer rudely joked that my experience was 10-years old. But he offered me the position anyway--for low pay--lower than the minimum wage here in Canada, and I took it. 

And I saw how in a mere 10-years things had changed. I'd stayed updated on Microsoft products and my typing speed was still very high, but it was the way business was done that was disappointing. No one talked to each other. People dressed casually--something I didn't know how to do. And most employees kept their offices paperless. 

Added to these changes, I was expected to learn a complicated accounting system, answer incoming calls, draft legal documents, and make outgoing accounts receivable calls. All for $10 an hour - a third of what I was paid before leaving the workforce. 

For a short time, I had new self-esteem. I can't pinpoint why exactly apart from getting a paycheck finally and getting out of the house. But my hours were within the children's school day hours and they'd never see me leave for work or come home. Neither would my husband, so even my own family didn't cheer me on as I'd hoped. 

I wanted to make it work and took notebooks home to try to understand the complex system. But I suffered with stress headaches and felt confused. And then I quit. 

Art Doodle by Rosalie Garde

Once I returned to the homefront, when I couldn't obtain another part-time job, I took on several work-from-home jobs and volunteer roles, and finally became a freelance writer--a dream I had since in my twenties. 

And for what I might do with my coach training and ministry focus, it made sense to combine my love of writing with life coaching. But I would not coach clients one-on-one, instead, I would make and sell self-coaching tools--ebooks, if you will, where a woman could prompt herself, go on her own journey, gain insight, and grow out of her rut.  

Life Coaching is a tool many women 
use today to gain 
direction, support, and accountability, 
so  they can move forward. 

Art table, Rosalie Garde

And then I had an epiphany about midlife in my late 40s. I was in a long period of perimenopause and all its challenges. I became severely depressed, isolated, lonely, and lacking stimulation. I googled the term 'midlife crisis' and my eyes were opened. But I saw a glaring gap in writings for Christian women facing a midlife crisis. Sometimes, knowing Jesus is not enough!

I desperately wanted answers for how to get out of my rut and wanted a Christian point of view. 

God knew about my struggles but I needed more help. I finally was brave enough to tell my family doctor I was depressed. And with the medication she prescribed required I sign on with a mental health therapist. 

Part of my epiphany was that perhaps many of the women I had coached had been in a midlife crisis too. And, for me, putting a label on the problem helped. 

So, with more research and revelation, I wrote a self-coaching tool with them in mind. 

16 Essential Steps to Help You Walk Through Your Midlife Crisis: A Self-Coaching Tool for Midlife Christian Women (Self-Coaching Tools for Midlife Christian Women Book 

Fast Forward 

I started this blog way back then too but eventually grew bored especially once I moved beyond midlife. 

From 2021 until recently, I was involved in another special project. It was engrossing and exciting. The work was confidential so I can't share about it. And now that project is being put to rest, and here I am again wondering about my next step. 

I haven't quite heard from God about the full plan of what I'll do now that I'm semi-retired from my work-from-home projects, but I have decided to put my former blog posts into draft with the intention that I'll write fresh posts or rewrite those I still agree with. 

The first old post I decided to review had this list of possible topics that I may cover going forward.

          

POSSIBLE TOPICS:

• Enjoying the Present and Finding Purpose

• Thriving as a Stay-at-Home Mom or Homemaker

• Seasons of a Woman's Life

• From Motherhood to Menopause

• Managing Wellness

• Mid-Life Challenges

• Moving Forward on Dreams and Goals 

• Removing the Clutter from your Mind or Even Your Home

• Strongholds, Wrong Beliefs, and God's Input
  
  
  

I hope you will join with me on this next phase of my journey whether you're in midlife, having a midlife crisis, having a great life you want to tweak, or if you are now beyond the midlife age as I am. 

I have a lot to write about! 

Celebrate the Past, Then Move Forward

Write a New Life Chapter

I'm working on a book for stay-at-home moms. While writing, I've been remembering a lot--mostly the negatives--the part about giving up a career and my inner turmoil of choosing to leave the workforce and the constant questioning I did, as well as the loneliness and loss of self-esteem. 

My writing touched that deep part of me. I was tempted to take what I'd written to my bedroom to journal my feelings and to ask God about them. That would require looking back. It would be like grieving about the lonely and angry parts. 

Sometimes, it is helpful to deal with undercurrents of pain or habits. Sometimes working with a counsellor requires such. 

But then I watched Joyce Meyer's Today's Show as I usually do. In it she reminded me there is little value in looking back, reliving the past, or spending too much time grieving. She talked about the Israelites being given 30 days to mourn for Moses before being required to get up again and move forward. 

During her talk, I began to wonder why I had wanted to look back with complaint about what I didn't like about being a stay-at-home mom. Maybe I liked the emotional feeling I would get. I've heard some people are addicted to feeling low and tearfulness. 

I know very well that we must put the past behind us. We can't change it. We can come to terms with it. If we're smart, we will even celebrate it. Be proud of it. 

Today at the gym, my friend brought her four-year-old grand-daughter. She was sucking a ring pop. It reminded me of when I bought my own kids ring pops. Seeing my friend buckle her grandchild into the car reminded me of the oh so many times I did that with my own children. And, in that moment, I was thankful that I was an at-home mom and got to live out so many moments with my kids I will never get back. 

Today I am focusing on how blessed I was and choosing to not go back and grieve the hard times. I am ready to celebrate the past and move forward yet again. 

Looking for My Next New Thing, Are You?

Hi, Ladies. It's been a while since I've checked in here.

Summer gets busy as my focus moves from writing and coaching projects to the outdoors. I have a huge yard and perennial garden to take care of and, for the most part, I derive some enjoyment from doing so. 

In my understanding of God's economy I see it as all part of my JOB paid, or unpaid. I take it seriously and do the best I can. 

Mid-July, I began to look forward, took a Facebook fast, and asked God to bring me something new in the fall. I wanted a new attitude, new inspiration, new friendship, new job, or new assignment--whatever he could connect me with.

A Common Feeling 

Wanting something new isn't odd or bad. Most people like to change jobs every 4 years or so. If they stay with the same company, they at least like a change of position.  That type of craving hits me every so often. 

In my craving for this new thing I flipped through one of my journals. It said:

Don't try to make things happen, let God ring your doorbell.

I laughed, and then I waited expectantly for God to ring my doorbell with something new.

The Doorbell Ring

Well, in a sense the doorbell did ring. I received a summons to attend jury duty in September. In the summons, I was instructed to plan to sit on the jury for 3 months, should I be selected. Wow, I never would have predicted that is what God would have sent.

On one hand I was excited. On the other, frustrated that I couldn't plan other events like exercise groups and so on I might join. I knew applying for a new job was out of the question until I knew if I would be serving or not. My hands were somewhat tied.

The New Thing

So this past week, I faithfully attended the jury duty call. It was so different from my normal routine that I was glad to have the experience. I was exposed to new things including a beautiful new courthouse. 

But the following day, I received a call telling me not to return as they had enough people. 

Wow, in one day, my "new thing" was over. I didn't know whether to be relieved or angry  

And here I am now, reflecting, wondering if there was a "why" behind God putting me there. 

Bravery 

What this jury duty summons did teach me was to wait on God to surprise me, to be willing to go where he sends (I didn't have a choice with this, I was legally obligated to go), and to push myself to do what I had to do. 

I had asked my husband to drive me so I wouldn't have to scurry to find parking and because of the construction I knew was in the area. But he refused. He told me I wasn't a baby and to just do it.

The night before I made a lunch, packed my briefcase, chose my clothes, and set double alarms. But the battery in one clock failed and I didn't hear the other. I slept in and was 40 minutes behind plan when I left home. I scurried, missed my turn for the parking garage and had to do a u-turn, did end up in construction, but made it just in time. It cost $20 in parking. 

All of the above is unusual to my daily routine. So it did require some bravery.    

Walking to the back of the room down an aisle with 100 strangers on each side tested my social anxiety as did standing in front of the judge, attorneys, and the accused. 

Today

Now I am scurrying to find my next new thing.  Will I join one or two women's groups? Will I stay home and write and just walk the dog and run errands for stimulation? Will I apply for jobs? Do I need to fast again?

Prayers Please

Pray with me for direction. I will always be a writer and while I was preparing for jury duty, became keenly aware of how important that calling is.  I have another eBook in process now.  I will continue to write no matter what else I do. I am an artist. I will continue to paint and draw no matter what else I do. 

I will always be a life coach, but haven't returned to taking phone clients yet. I'm still working on finding the right balance. 

I have looked over a few part-time out-of-the-house jobs. I will decide tomorrow if I'll apply to one. 

I need you, my readers, as much as you might need me. I need your feedback and prayers. 

As I sat in the jury duty selection room, one thing was apparent. It was a group of very normal looking human beings. While working from home I often feel I no longer fit in, at my jury duty outing, I was more professionally dressed than many who wore flip flops or sandals and capris pants or even shorts or jeans. Perhaps the best lesson was to see I can fit in. And now I just need God to show me the next place I'm to do that. 
  

New eBook for Christian Women in Midlife Crisis

NEW BOOK AVAILABLE:

I've wanted to get this eBook for Christian women in midlife crisis into your hands as soon as I could. 

Putting it together ended up being a long process.

Nevertheless, it's loaded now on Amazon.  It is in eBook form, but can be viewed on any computer screen as well as a Kindle, IPhone, or Ipad.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JLMVS4U

The book will look at the author's own midlife crisis and journey but is written to guide you through yours.

It covers common dilemmas of midlife, conclusions about how to handle the dilemmas, and suggests steps to implement to help you make sense of your journey and come through the other side.