Midlife Woes of Many Women

(rewrite of 2012 article) 

I was reading a book that had a chapter on Menopause. It could have equally been entitled, MidLife Crisis and Women.

A woman described her story something like this [revised slightly]: 

...I had hot flashes at inconvenient times. I always felt like I needed to announce them, but my husband really didn't want to know. But I wanted him to know because we're close in age and I wanted to go through this together! After all, if my fertility were drying up, shouldn't he be aware of it? Isn't it the end of "our" fertility?

...I noticed new wrinkles on my face and a double chin. I needed to color my hair more often. No matter how hard I exercised I continued to gain weight, and I hated my reflection. I wanted to look great at my daughter's high school graduation, but I felt frumpy and self-conscious. I wanted my husband to be attracted to me, but he was getting really lousy (or lazy) about giving me compliments--when I needed them most..."

MIDLIFE WOES

Many women in midlife women have issues common to these. Many of the issues are rooted in physical changes but those issues can affect emotional well-being too.

These topics of midlife crisis and menopause are rarely addressed in Christian circles, the workplace, or in family circles. Everyone seems to like to pretend everything in their world is perfect. They have no issues that anyone else needs to know about. 

If a woman seems off balance, she may look for other reasons to explain it away rather than consider the role perimenopause or menopause is playing. (*Pay attention, especially if you are in the age 45 to 55 range.) 

Symptoms of Peri-Menopause and Menopause 

Not every woman deals with midlife challenges. My 85-year-old mother-in-law said she had none when she went through menopause. "Poof, one day it was just different" is how I recall her explaining it. Either that is true or her memory waned. I'm sure in her day, menopause wasn't talked about either so maybe she was simply unaware. 

But for those who do get symptoms, the challenges are real. I had excessive bleeding at times. One sneeze during a period and I'd have to change my clothes. I had what I described as a 'new kind of depression'. It didn't fit the criteria doctors used in diagnosis. I could mark it on a calendar though. It lasted a couple weeks and arrived AFTER a period. I strongly felt it was hormonally related. However my doctor did no hormone testing and disagreed with my suggestion that HRT might fix it. It took me more episodes of depression to push me to make an appointment to discuss depression and nothing else (doctors where I live require the purpose of appointments to be specific). I finally declared to the doctor I was depressed. She put me on medication and gave me the name of a therapist as she believed it best to have both kinds of support. Her therapist was overbooked and I could not get in, so I searched for one on my own (not an easy process). 

Weight gain is common in this phase for many. Some women need more sleep. Others struggle with chronic insomnia that affects the quality of their work day.  Some midlife women are dominated by hot flashes or menopausal migraine headaches. 

My Hot Flash Story 

I purchased cool sheets. I suggest Serta Coolmax Sheets.  I put an ice pack under my pillow so when I was hot I could flip the pillow over and find relief as the underside would be cold on my face. I kept a fan in my bedroom. Later, we added a window air conditioner since the house cooling system didn't reach our bedroom as well as I needed it to. 

At one appointment, I sat on the doctor's table in a hospital gown to discuss my hot flashes. By the end of the examination, the tissue she'd laid down on the table was stuck to me--soaked in sweat--proof I was ready for hormonal replacement therapy (HRT). I went on HRT to get me over the 'hump' at that time, and the hot flashes and night sweats resolved IMMEDIATELY. 

The symptoms of perimenopause, menopause or midlife appear at various ages for different women and can go on for years. Many reach full menopause in their early 50s, but I didn't reach it until I was 56. 

FIND HELP AND ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER

When the Bible suggests encouraging one another or helping those who are struggling, things like menopause and mid-life crisis are rarely what come to mind. But these REAL LIFE issues can be included. When women share their feelings, struggles, and most of all, solutions, they help each other.

There probably is no one-fits-all solution. Some women are relieved by anti-depressants or HRT (hormone replacement therapy), while others refuse to try anything--sometimes because of family history health reasons or simply fear. Most women prefer to manage their symptoms on their own. 

The problem with not understanding what perimenopause can do to a woman's well-being is how it can affect her life choices. For instance, some women dealing with new depression blame their feelings on their spouse, being married, their job, or lack of career, and set out to make drastic changes.

They may consider separation, divorce, leaving their job, or having an affair. They crave change, but they can't always put their finger on what that change needs to be. If not carefully investigated, a woman may make life choices that she'll one day regret. 

For sure, midlife flings a woman into a phase of life evaluation. The working woman evaluates her life as does the homemaker. It's not easy in one article to explain the complaints or the solutions. But one thing I will share since this is a Christian blog, is how imperative it is that a woman become mindful of the devil's playground she may find herself in during midlife. When a woman is in a vulnerable phase of life, it's easy for Satan to use the opportunity to confuse her. He'd love nothing more than to break her family apart. He'd love for her to spout angry words that make her husband want to leave her. He'd love to keep her down with depression. He'd love to make her lose hope.  So, my dear midlife friend, stay on guard. Don't let the devil make your life any more complicated than it is. He is the father of lies and it's important to stay alert. 

Here is an article that outlines some of the lies Satan tells humans. 

In the meantime, I'm glad you found my blog post. Here are some guidelines that may help you during this midlife, perimenopausal, and post-menopause phase. 

Tips

Find another woman to share your struggles with. Gather professionals around you to provide guidance.

• There are solutions for hot flashes/night sweats when or if they get intolerable, speak to your doctor.
• Therapy when depressed can be very helpful, don't dismiss it.
• Don't be afraid of trying anti-depressant medication if your brain chemistry is the root of many or your issues. Life is too short to live it depressed. 
• Do current research on HRT. There is much that debunks former fears. Talk to others on HRT and hear their thoughts.
• Seek the help of a life coach for specific areas you'd like to have help with. 
• Pick up some good resources: online articles, books, and so on. 
• Look for opportunities to meet in groups with other women--maybe church groups, exercise circles, and so on. 
• Cast your cares on God. Journal your thoughts. Trust he has a plan for you beyond midlife.