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| Artwork by Rosalie Garde |
It is a bit overcast here - damp and cool, so I thought I'd revisit this blog and head out to the garden later when the sun comes out.
I saw a post recently on Bluesky where a male life coach is coaching a male on his midlife crisis. This crisis time seems to affect men and women. Some of the reasons are similar, and many are different. No two midlife crises are the same or handled similarly.
Far too many individuals make drastic changes to their lives in an attempt to solve their crisis. My take on midlife crisis is that it is better to walk through it contemplatively, not try to solve it with quick maneuvers.
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| Artwork by Rosalie Garde |
1. A Process, Not a Problem to Eliminate
“Walking through a midlife crisis” means recognizing that midlife crisis is not a disease with a quick solution. Rather, this feeling of boredom, discontent, or a strong craving for life changes is a natural developmental stage. Handled correctly, it involves a period of questioning, re-evaluation, and recognizing small changes to make.
This midlife phase may invoke strong feelings such as grief, worry, or fear. Depression may appear.
The aim isn’t to erase the feelings, but to experience them consciously.
Having a coach or counsellor to walk through it with you, will be extremely helpful.
2. Allowing Emotional Upheaval
The crisis often points to areas of life that need attention: values, purpose, relationships, health, or identity. The problem is, you can know you need attention in all of these areas, but not know how to tackle them. That was my dilemma.
I thought if I just had a job again (after being an at-home mom for years), that I would feel normal and happy again. So I spent hours searching the job boards. I applied to many, and received rejection after rejection which led to self-pity and more questioning.
I think what I really wanted wasn't a job, but all the things a job brings: identity, self-esteem, validation, peers, a sense of order to life. But it seems God had called me to a different sort of life--one that didn't make sense--one that lacked the things my soul now craved.
I had seen the benefits in being there for my family, but we are multi-facetted people. Being an at-home mom didn't reflect all of who I was. During my midlife crisis, it was easy to recite my life lows.
By then, my children were independent. I wasn't needed to be on the spot all the time. When I learned about the life coaching course with a Christian perspective, I was ecstatic. It felt like an exciting new calling. I took the courses and became certified to coach women. But within no time, I plummeted again. In between consultations and coaching clients, all the same boredom remained.
I looked for part-time work that would suit my family schedule, but met with rejection after rejection to applications. I fell into self-pity. I wondered: As a Christ follower, surely he could find the right niche for me, could he not?
Yes, I walked through discomfort.
3. Allowing Growth Through Support
During my period of crisis, I felt lost. I became depressed. Social isolation did not help. But I didn't have answers. I didn't have many close friends at the time whom I could count on.
So, with the suggestion of my doctor, I hired the services of a counsellor. I used the online email model through my husband's employment package. (They had no in-person local counsellor available.)
I'd describe the sessions with my counsellor as one of being able to flush a lot of junk (feelings) out of my system. It had built up too long. And this was something I had needed.
Did the sessions cure my crisis? No. I also started taking anti-depressants. I continued to look after my family and home. I continued walking my dog. I read the replies from my counsellor and thought deeply about them.
4. Staying Present Rather Than Escaping
Walking through a midlife crisis suggests staying present in the journey rather than numbing, distracting, or making impulsive changes to “get rid of it.”
I didn't stay frozen; I continued to make what my coaching instructor had taught me--'low cost probes'. I had always wanted to be a paid writer. I knew that from a young age. And now, with the Internet, there were ways to actually do that.
So I searched for opportunities, and I found them. I found work as a paid freelance web content writer, and was able to work from home for many years as a writer.
I also advertised myself as a proofreader, editor, and ghost writer. I later took on at-home transcription work to fill the gaps and add to my pay. And I wrote my own books and self-published them on Amazon.
5. Transformation on the Other Side
By walking through my crisis, I arrived at the other side with greater self-knowledge, resilience, and alignment.
No, not all my problems were solved, but I was on my way to cultivating a much more fulfilling second half of life.
If you try to “cure” your midlife crisis by taking drastic steps, you may end up regretting your choices.
Within a midlife crisis are signals calling for change. When you sense them, write them down. Pray them to God. Take small steps of investigation. Take brave steps with a willingness and permission to change course if it doesn't feel right.
My suggestion is you embrace your midlife crisis as a passage to walk through rather than a problem to eradicate.
