Are You in the Midst of a Midlife Crisis? What Can you Do?

It's been awhile since I've written on midlife issues. But a new batch of women are now in midlife!

I have insight and knowledge so thought I should add a few more blog posts on the midlife topic. I don't need to know the reasons for doing so. I love writing, and if what I share speaks to even one woman, I've met a goal. 

Just today, I happened upon a story of a midlife woman that disappeared several years ago and was found deceased. Her husband said that just prior to her death she had changed. She was going out a lot. She was drinking more than usual. In the article, her husband said he thought she might be going through a midlife crisis.  

The husband was charged and found not guilty. They still don't know what happened to her. 

What I can agree with is that as a woman goes through perimenopause, her mental health can be compromised. There is even a window of vulnerability for women to be diagnosed with Schizophrenia, a serious mental health condition that affects how people think, feel, and behave.

Yes, many women fall into a phase one might describe as a midlife crisis. Typically, she feels bored, stuck in a rut, she craves more excitment in her life, she grieves the past and the younger woman she once was. 

Each woman who finds themselves in this precarious situation handles her journey in her own way. Some make radical changes (which I don't advise.) But no one wants a woman to end up dead as the woman in the story above did. 

My Journey

Here is a bit of my story: 

Tossing and turning were yielding nothing. Sleep had evaded me once again, and troubled feelings were stirring. So I carefully reached for my fluffy robe and slid out of bed as quietly as I could. My husband slept soundly as I tiptoed out the door and down the stairs in the dim light to the lower level office.

The brightness of the computer screen was blinding in the darkened room. Two-thirty was the time on the clock when I began my web search for answers for my chaotic feelings, and 4:30 was the time when I returned to bed and finally fell asleep.

For that two hours, I sat, in the quiet of the night, typing various combinations of words into the Google search bar. One phrase I typed in was one that I'd heard a lot but surely didn't think fit me, after all, I wasn't looking for a younger man or wanting to buy a sportscar (you know the old cliche?)

There I sat though, and typed the words:

"m-i-d-l-i-f-e   c-r-i-s-i-s".

WAS I HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS?

After reading a few of the descriptions for midlife crisis over several websites, I found a few points that resonated with me. One in particular convinced me that, yes indeed, what I was feeling had been experienced by other women my age (50 at the time). I realized right then that I must be in a similar state.

I wondered, "What if, in fact I was having a midlife crisis, would I find answers to help me eventually feel better? Or, would I be stuck feeling lost forever?"

I'd been experiencing feelings of panic and sadness off and on for some time by then, and insomnia had been regularly creeping in. A reocurring theme was that I felt constrained, stuck, craving change but not knowing what that change should be. Each time those troubling feelings arrived, I hated them.

Now that I'd somewhat diagnosed the condition, I wondered if I really had what would be needed to walk through the associated symptoms. I wondered if I would be capable of finding the answers I needed to be happy and balanced again.  I wondered if I would ever reach the other side of it all. I wondered what step I should take to help me move forward.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS FOR MIDLIFE CRISIS

At that time, I looked for solutions for my midlife crisis in all kinds of places. Of course, as a Christian, I prayed and sought out as much Christian-based material as I could that might put me on a course.

I know now that a midlife crisis isn't something a woman 'solves'. It is a journey to be walked through. For me, it took an incredible amount of introspection. It took bravery to talk to my physician to see if hormonal changes or depression were the issue. Both were. But my doctor chose to treat the depression saying hormone therapy wouldn't improve my mood. 

She wanted a commitment from me, though. She wanted me to go to a mental health therapist in tangent with taking the new anti-depressant. 

I folded the handwritten note she gave me and tucked it into my purse. On it was the name of a therapist she highly recommended. And, the next step on my journey was to book an appointment for the therapist and another to return to the doctor three months later.

But I soon met with more frustration. My period bleeding was going gangbusters. My depression was constnat. And the therapist was fully booked for several months with no openings to see me. The only thing I could do in that moment was cry. And crying led to headaches and more grief. 

My husband was concerned and comforting. He handed me a pamphlet he'd received in his work medical plan packet. It explained the process for working with an Employee Assistance Plan counsellor. EAP is a confidential program that provides aid and support to individuals facing personal or work-related problems. As a spouse on the plan, I could choose counselling by telephone or email which I saw was better than nothing at all. And confidential it was. I was given a code name for signing in on the therapist's platform so that no one else could read my messages. 

I would have preferred to see someone in person, but this was the first time I'd be going for therapy. I didn't want to go to just anyone. So in my inquiry, I asked if there were any Christian therapists I could use. 

I got my referall and decided to try the email counselling, and in a series of emails, poured out my heart. I shared with her what I'd tried to date. I shared my disapointments with finding work. I shared my disappointments about my life coaching practice not blossoming. I shared about the mood swings I was having related to periods--a new type of depression which I attributed to perimenopause. I shared about my fear of my children growing up. I loved them so much I couldn't picture a world without them in it. 

It was good to be validated and reassured. The therapist gave me hope for the future. I felt heard. And, in time, the anti-depressant kicked in. 

My problems of rising and falling moods, nightsweats, heavy periods, and so on, didn't instantly vanish.  But the anti-depressant helped. I wasn't given the complete picture of what God wanted next for in midlife. But I was comforted and strengthened to have a coach to work through many issues with. 

Dealing with troubling feelings and not knowing where to find answers can provoke a lot of fear in a woman. Some women make wrong turns during their midlife crisis. Some give up their marriage. Some quit their jobs. Some blame their family or husband for their unhappiness. For myself, it was key to deal with the depression, and then to have my thinking challenged with therapy and later the help of a Christian life coach.