Embracing Uniqueness: Navigating Midlife Transitions with Grace and Individuality

I recently connected on social media with a couple of women who have started a movement for women who had powerful professional careers but who were now retired. What they offer is intriguing on some levels, but it's easy for me to see it's not really my cup of tea. 

From age 36 and on, my calling changed from working as an executive assistant to become a career mother and, later, life coach and writer. I held no professional credientials as these women did, but I knew beyond a doubt I was doing what my heart suggested I should do. 

These women, had been career lawyers. Throughout their careers, they reportedly held parties and enjoyed dressing sharply. Now, in retirement, they still love to entertain and dress sharply, with a few changes. It was funny to hear one say their retired male counterparts aren't exactly dressing nicely now that they're retired. 

We're All Unique

We are all unique. It's exciting to hear others' stories and learn from them. And it's great to see our differences and rest in who we are. I dislike entertaining. My career clothes are jeans, leggings, jeggings, tunics, and T-shirts. My worldview is vastly different from theirs but I still tune into their videos now and then.

As I listened to these women, it struck me that since I'd worked from home for so many years, I'd already navigated many of the challenges they were just now encountering concerning life lived from home base. Some of the questions that faced them included: 

Where to find community. 

How to explain to others what they do. 

How to keep a sense of identity once they are no longer identified by their job. 

Art by Rosalie Garde

Most midlife women struggle with these questions. I've tackled them on and off for years. Have you?

My perspective has grown and evolved as I've now entered my older adult years and call myself semi-retired. But one thing has never changed, and that is what I know about how God sees all women. We are all equal in God's eyes whether we are or have been in high-paid professional careers or not! And in that truth, I find my rest.

God creates us all with unique gifts, abilities, and callings. Some of us are better at cleaning and organizing a home than others are. Some are better at smoozing and fundraising for charities than others are. Some women are salon owners who are great at doing hair. Others are engineers who take care of multimillion dollar civil projects in their cities. Others are cut flower gardeners/sellers. 

Doodle Art by Rosalie Garde

Stop the Comparing

Rather than comparing ourselves with others or feeling less than, it's better to celebrate who we are and where God has placed. Having contentment and joy in our livelihood is better than loathing it. And tough luck if women around us don't understand our choices. 

Most of us have realized that all through life we remake ourselves. Sometimes we struggle. That's pretty common. 

These recently retired women mentioned above are on a mission to figure out who they are "now" and then to share their discoveries with newly retired or about-to-retire women. I'm sure many will flock to them. 

My advice is that it's okay to be curious about new programs offered on social media. It's okay to take lessons from others. But most importantly, it is the voice of the Holy Spirit we need to follow.

Always continue being the person God created YOU to be. Give yourself a pat on the back for how far you've come.

Are you in Perimenopausal Depression and Looking for Answers?

 

Me at age 50

At age 48 and onwards, I dealt with episodes of depression during which I would often feel overwhelmed with a profound sense of sadness and a strong desire for answers. I call them episodes because they arrived monthly and lasted two or three weeks at the end of a period, clearing up again until the next period arrived. 

This depression was different than PMS which usually struck me before a period. When I shared my story with my doctor, she didn't see any correlation to my hormones.  But I was certain these debilitating episodes I hated were related to my changing hormonal cycle. I was, after all, in perimenopause.

At the time, I also experienced heavy menstrual bleeding, accompanied by intense night sweats and hot flashes during the day. (As a result of hot flashes, for the next 15 years, I would rarely wear a sweater.)

Art by Rosalie Garde
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What about HRT?

Some women opt for HRT (hormone replacement therapy) to relieve certain symptoms, while others choose to manage the symptoms on their own. I tried to manage my depression with supplements. But none were working. Inwardly I begged to try an antidepressant but I was afraid of doing so. There was still a stigma associated with them in my mind.

My doctor at the time told me no HRT would help with the depression even if they were a contributor. Instead, she prescribed an anti-depressant and recommended that I sign up for mental health therapy. I did. 

Some women may not even realize that they are experiencing depression related to hormones. They blame other things--a midlife crisis, the lack of a job, their husband, the city they live in, their lack of friends, cash, their children, and so on. This can be dangerous. Seeking help to address the root of the depression is important, though it can be a long journey to walk through. What I mean is, certainly life factors can contribute to depression. Changes may be needed. But often depression of this nature is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. Tweaking it may make a difference with how you cope with life's challenges.

Once we moved and I started with a new doctor, I continued on the same anti-depressant and received great advice for the hot flashes. The doctor said when I could no longer stand the hot flashes she'd prescribe HRT. 

Not too long after that conversation, I returned to her office. There, I sat on her examining table drenched in sweat, the paper sheet stuck to me. She was convinced. Once I began HRT (around age 53), the night sweats and hot flashes stopped almost instantly.  (A couple of years later, I weaned off them feeling I'd gotten over the worst of it.) 

Other Coping Strategies

It is important to recognize that some women are helped through menopausal challenges by getting more rest, broadening their social circle, spiritually feeding their souls, and sometimes signing up for mental health therapy with a licensed therapist as I did. Others will take an antidepressant. 

If you're struggling with midlife challenges, don't struggle alone. Find another woman to share with, if possible. Gather professionals around you to provide guidance. My doctor referred to this as building my 'team'. My team includes a mental health therapist as needed, my family physician, a naturopath now and then, social connections when I can get them, my massage therapist, my church, and so on. 

If you're married, share your concerns with your husband. Tell him what it is you need from him. For me that included telling him when I needed a hug, empathy, understanding, conversation, to get my 10,000 words out (that women are apparently in need of) and so on. Explain to him that he is not the problem, but you need to get a grip on your emotions since perimenopause is tricky to navigate. Thank him for his support. 

POINTS TO PONDER

• There are solutions for hot flashes/night sweats. If they get intolerable, speak to your doctor.
  
  
• Mental health therapy with a certified counselor when depressed can be very helpful, don't fear it.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to take an anti-depressant medication recommended by your doctor if your brain chemistry needs tweaking.
  
  
• Research HRT. There is much that debunks former fears. Talk to others who take HRT and hear their thoughts. 
  
  

Stay encouraged with this quote from Rick Warren from The Purpose Driven Life, page 31:

"If you have felt hopeless, hold on!

Wonderful changes are going 

to happen in your life

as you begin to live it on purpose.

God says, "I know what I am planning for you...

'I have good plans for you,

not plans to hurt you.

I will give you hope and a good future.'"

"God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of--infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes."