Help for The Troubled Midlife Christian Woman - Learn to Surrender


MIDLIFE WOMEN ARE SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS!  Many midlife women feel lost and fearful when they sense a new stage unfolding.  Some feel lonely. Others are caught in grief whether it be grieving the figure they once had, grieving over children moving out, or a loss of marital or job status.

For some midlife women, life may not be panning out as planned.  Perhaps disenchantment or boredom has set in. There's an urgent search for change for many.

Some women look great on the surface, but beneath there is unrest.  I recently heard an analogy comparing a person to a duck on the water--on the surface all looks peaceful, but below the water the feet are paddling swiftly.

Many women are like this duck.  They are constantly paddling to stay afloat of all life's responsibilities.  As keeper of the home they feel responsible to know how everything works, where everything is, and to know how to make everyone happy.  They're paddling like mad to keep their marriage flourishing, ensuring their children have all they need, and exercising and dieting like made to get rid of mounting pounds.

The Christian woman knows what God offers, but her human side can easily get caught up in striving and trying to control her world.  Surrender is a word she needs to study.  She may feel she surrendered to God the day she chose to believe in him, but surrender is more than that.  It involves a daily examination of a variety of life areas that are robbing her of God's peace. Here are a few traits an unsurrendered woman may demonstrate:

  1. Has lots of worry.
  2. Has a victim mentality, or the opposite--an entitled one.
  3. Is easily frustrated.
  4. Tries to control people and situations.
  5. Feels people and situations won't thrive without her input.
  6. Is argumentative.
  7. Creates images of self-importance to boost her self-esteem.
  8. Counts on accolades, position, or title for self importance.
As I said, these are but a few examples.  The list can be very long. 

Is there a solution?  Yes.  She can learn how to go about trusting God with her life and the life of her family.  She can learn how to surrender.  It can be an in depth and long-term process so I can't begin to explain it all here.  This is more like throwing a crumb of bread to a paddling duck. 

If this intrigues you, I challenge you to research this topic of surrender more.  


  1. My question is how do I find new purpose and energy to live. I took care of my mother for five years before she passed 10 months ago. I am approximately thirty five pounds over weight. I have a twenty year old daughter and 13 year old son. I meet with some other ladies for Bible study. One of them lost her husband a year ago. I find myself anxious about future. Right now I have very low energy and I think how am I supposed to take care of all of my responsibilities. My husband id loving but passive. I am the spiritual leader in our home but desperately want him to. My daughter id immature for her age. My dads still lives with me in an apartment downstairs. I have caregivers that help me with him. Right now he is doing great. I do work two days a week. I'm having trouble getting up in morning depression and taking care of responsibilities. I am currently trying to cut down on sugar and want to start exercising again. How do I figure out what all I should do with so little energy. I am currently taking one med for depression and tramadol. I may seek s new Dr. To help me get off both these drugs

  2. Hi friend, if you'd like to email me, please do at

    I understand you are feeling low energy, a little purposeless and much overwhelmed. There are reasons you've outlined all the points you have which are worth investigating.

    You've identified several goals to work on and perhaps the best thing to work on is surrendering all of this to God and putting yourself in a passive role where you will listen for his instruction. I'll bet that isn't your usual way of going about your life.. Being on medication isn't a sign of weakness, so don't fear the medications and don't go off them without good reason and without monitoring.

    Many of your issues are merely life and what you may need to do is start saying no to some things so you can do some self-care. One thing you can say no to is being the spiritual leader. Let God speak to your husband. Drop your expectations of how you think things should be. I suspect you are taking on a lot of responsibility God never asked you to take on.

    I hate to just list off random ideas here without knowing more about you because it's never good to make generalizations. Please forgive me if I have.

    Thanks for your input which is valuable to me as a life coach. Seek God. Listen, Journal your thoughts and keep looking for answers and he will guide you. He promises to!

  3. I always find your blog posts encouraging. Thank you! And you have pinpointed the main challenges in my life: trusting God and surrendering. Such difficult concepts. I look forward to see what else you write about these in the future.