My Clarity Hunt Part Two - Be Vulnerable


(Second Part of Clarity Hunt, See Part One Here)

So I'm on about day 21 of my clarity hunt.  I'm also a full week with this horrible headache.  I feel rundown and emotional.  Nevertheless, I want to give an update.

Our pastor issued a challenge for the church to go on a 21 day fast.  His suggestion is to exchange food, media, or something important, for seeking God.
I ran to my calendar to find out when his 21 day fast challenge would end and low and behold, it ends the same day my 40 day clarity hunt ends.  I don't think that's much of a co-incidence.

My Clarity Hunt 

As I'm on my clarity hunt, not a lot of newness is coming to me.  Especially with a headache I'm intentionally not thinking too hard.

I am a sensitive person--always have been and every once in awhile I lose that control.Today I was emotional as I raised some issues with a friend over the phone.  I turned into a blubbering fool mostly because my headache was really running me down, but also I have had so many challenges in the last 2 months that stress has come to a head with this headache.  

I always think people will think I'm crazy when I'm vulnerable and blubber like a fool.    I've decided, though, I don't care how they feel about me.  I am who I am.

So I took it easy most of the day fasting computer time.  My reasons were as much to rest my aching brain and sore shoulder muscles as they were to follow the pastor's advice.  This evening I opened my Clarity Hunt book to make notes as I read sections from the two books I'm using.  I shouldn't be surprised, but the theme of  BOTH books was the importance of being vulnerable.  It also talked about our human need to be understood. Vulnerability by way of showing our failures, doubts, expressing our disappointments is the fuel that creates greater trust in relationships.  Both books said being vulnerable is risky.  

When I blubber like a fool, I want to be understood.  I don't feel that always happens.  So understood or misunderstood I leave it to unravel.    

So for today, perhaps the most important lesson I received wasn't just about the importance of vulnerability, but to be affirmed by God for my blubbering episode that bordered on regret.  It's not quite what I had in mind for this clarity hunt, but this is how he speaks.

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